𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐞𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 || baxter radic

Epilogue

◈ 𝒎𝒂𝒚𝒃𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒆'𝒔 𝒑𝒐𝒗 ◈

Forever was meant for Bax and I. The moment that we met, we should have known that destiny was ours. Unfortunately, we lost a good few years of time together. Life got in the way, but nevertheless, we ended up locked together and more in love than ever.

I'm not saying our relationship was any easier, because it surely was not. But we did found what worked for the two of us. Or I guess maybe I should say three of us.

I left my boyfriend the moment Bax and I decided to give us another chance. Well, he actually did it before I could. It was undeniable from anyone looking in, that Bax and I would never be able to love anyone else the same. We could try our hardest, but it would never be good enough.

We've been together raising Max as a family for a year now, and it's been a completely different experience. I finally don't have to deal with the constant screams of unhappiness from our child. I don't think he's cried once in the year. Not even from a tumble or a head bump. He's a completely different child. One we can all bare to be around now. I guess he knew what he wanted—his father. Even if he hadn't met him he knew something was missing. I swear every day it's more acknowledgement that my brother lives with him. It seriously warms my heart to the core.

My dad's visiting for the first time since he checked himself into treatment. We offered to come out and see him, but he wanted to see our lives here. My mother though, she'll never see the light of day and he's finally come to terms with that. He's dedicated his time to helping those going through the same struggles he has been suffering with. He's the man I missed for far too long.

He eats up Max. My dad spends every waking second with our son—and I trust him. He gives Bax and I much needed time alone. Him visiting was everything that I hoped for and honestly, I wish he wasn't leaving so soon. The trip was never meant to last forever but Bax and I know best what nonexistent parents are like. Fortunately, it's taught us to how to make sure our kid never has to go through that.

I want to say the hardest part of everything is life when Bax leaves. He wants Max to have a normal life so whenever he needs to run off to surf, it can be rough. It's the only downside to our relationship. Sometimes I feel alone. But at the end of the day, at least I know he'll come back. I never had to worry about leaving him again. We were both better in every way. We realized that life without one another was miserable. We didn't want to experience that again.

I'd have to say the saddest part of everything is having no dreams or aspirations. I was never really pushed to have goals. After losing Max everything around me kind of crumbled. I didn't really have much to live for. I have things to live for now, but the only thing that matters is being with Bax. I know that may sound sad but it's the truth. My life revolves around him. There is nothing else I want to do with my time. And it makes me feel pretty useless when it comes to contributing to our family.

Bax has been working me through all that. It's something that will take time to learn how to handle in a positive light, but we will get there. I'll find a passion one day, even if it is just being a personal cheerleader for all my friends in all of their endeavors. That jobs a pretty good one to have. As much as Max loves the water, there's no place he'd rather be with his mom then at the beach.

A few months pass when I get a gut wrenching phone call. I don't eat for days; I don't leave my room. I've sleep in a vomit covered shirt for a few days. Bax has done his best to care for me, but it's a lot to deal with taking care of two people while still doing his own job. I just had zero to give and he needed to provide one hindered percent of everything.

My dad had driven himself off the cliff right before the place Max had passed. The very cliff that had to hold myself back from doing the same. The only thing that stopped me was Bax being in the car beside me. I never thought in a million years I would have to deal with this again. He was doing so well. When he was visiting he was so happy, especially with Max. But sometimes no matter how much help someone gets, it's still not enough. All it takes is one trigger to send them flying.