𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐞𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 || baxter radic

32.

Every bit of my being is numb as my feet stumble onto the shore. The numbness extends from head to toe. Overtaking every single nerve ending in my body. A warmth travels through my veins, extending from the tips of my toes, to the tips of my fingers, finishing off at the tips of my ears.

A zombie fish must have taken a nibble on my way in because no thought exists in my mind. I don't even hear sounds of conversation, or a buzzing ring tingle in my ears. It's true silence. I'm am deeply alone in my thoughts. If the little man inside my head were to drop a pin, it would be the only thing that would ping a bit of noise.

My blank expression pulls the attention of Summer's mom, but I walk past her like she doesn't exist. Because right now, I'm the only person to exist. I pick up my feet one by one and drag them through the sand until I'm hidden away from everyone.

The longer I'm left alone, the quicker my sense flood in. It's my hearing first—the crashing waves along the shore, infecting my soul the way my mother's disease infected her.

The sensation of touch is next. I pick the sand up in my hands, letting it fall from a balled fist like sand dropping through the small hole in a timer full of the debris. It trickles down my skin, piling up on either sides of my legs the longer I repeat the action.

Taste follows. The salty air tickles on my tongue. But it quickly vanishes when the taste of his lips recalls from the back of my mind. I run my tongue along my lips, trying to remember the exact taste of him. Every second without him, my body craves him. I don't even mean sexually. It's the simple glances, the sweet words, the tender touches, the fucking affection. I want it all the time.

My eyes dart to the water, my friends just distant ants in the ocean. Barely specs of dust in my vision. Selfishness has won this battle. Instead of screaming for them—cheering them on—I'm hiding away in the shadows, unable to witness the greatness they're providing for our guests.

I never liked to admit that I struggled like my mother. I never wanted to compare myself to her, but it was inevitably the truth. Emotions suffocated me. I was easily overwhelmed by the smallest of things. One wrong word, one wrong move, the smallest of issues; they were the biggest of deals to me. They could be day ending, world ending to me.

I haven't had to deal with it much while being here. I thought that I gotten past the hurdle. But then my parents walked back into my life, and all the progress I had made was instantly wiped clean. I became the little girl trapped in the back seat of a flipped over car next to her bleeding brother. The very place where all the issues started.

As I try to push the thoughts of my issues out of my mind, I find a new focus. Instead of letting sand slip through my palms, I start drawing shapes in the sand. My mind even more focused away from my friends. I'm drawing, erasing, and redrawing shapes for so long, I don't even realize everyone has made their way back to shore.

I only know when a shadow peaks over my sand drawings. When I look up, I'm met with a perfectly white smile on the face of a boy I really did love. His wetsuit is half off, hanging at his waist. I have to trail my eyes up his bare skin to meet his eyes. A task I'm normally quite well at—shifting focus—takes longer distracted by his body.

"I thought I'd find you here." He extends his hands out to me—lifting me from the sand—before pulling me against his wet chest. His arms are tight around me, his head resting against the top of mine. This hug isn't for me; this hug is for himself.

"Sorry I didn't watch." I mumble into his chest. He chuckles and I can hear it coming from deep in his chest with my ear pressed to his bare skin.

"I overwhelmed you. I've learned when you're overwhelmed you do try to become invisible. Which for you means, running off and hiding yourself from the world. Just means I'll have to show you what I did when were alone and you can truly appreciate it." He presses his lips to the top of my head as he runs the tips of his fingers in circles against the small of my back—his hands tucked up under my damp shirt.

"I get a private show?" Without being able to see, I know that Bax can hear the smile that's spread across my face as I ask the question.

"You always get a private show." My wrapped arms tighten around him, acknowledging the sentimental moment. For as long as we lasted I would always be given a private show, of any kind.

I knew that Bax put on more of a show when he was in a comp. He tried harder. Put in more effort. It was about more than just fun. When we were alone he was a completely different surfer. There was no need to show off. He didn't need to be flashy. All he had to do was enjoy himself and have fun. He didn't need to push boundaries. He didn't need to be perfect. All he had to be was Baxter—nothing more, and nothing less.

"Also Baxxy," my voice is so soft, I don't know if he can hear me, but I speak anyways, "you didn't overwhelm me. I overwhelmed myself. I really enjoyed riding the wave with you. I love how happy it made you—how excited it made you. And I would do it a million times over just to see you that happy again."

I start to copy his finger movements on his own body. My finger set in the trace of a loop on his back. A light sigh passes from his chest and down my back as it escapes past his lips. It's a sigh of relief.

"And what I said afterward?" His finger taps. Index, ring, ring, middle, pinky. I recognize it right away. He's adapted my poor habits into his own repertoire.

"If you're asking if I just said it because you did. Or if you're asking if that made me panic. The answer to both is no. I do love you. I'm pretty sure the moment I saw you I fell in love with you. I didn't need to get to know you. I kind of just felt like you were my person. I'm sorry if that's weird, I just have no reason to hide my feelings anymore." I glance up at him, his chin raising before falling to meet my eyes.

"I am pretty great. Easy to love." Bax's witty smirk slips across his face for a quick second.

"So cocky." I roll my eyes playfully.

"It's not time for that. You need to get your head out of the gutter Missy." He tucks his finger under my chin and lifts my head to his. He hovers his lips so close to mine I don't even think you could fit a singular fine hair between the two of us. But he doesn't close the distance anymore. He hovers for seconds, minutes, I don't even know.

Time stops. My breath has caught in my throat. His breath cascades over my skin. It takes everything in me to not close the distance myself. The tension though, that build up, all of it stops me. It holds me back. It makes this begging feeling grow in my stomach. I yearn for every bit of this man.

"Stop trying to eat my best friend's face." Summer's voice pierces through both of our ears. My heels hit the sand. And a valley forms between Bax and I, like we weren't just stood at the top of a mountain milliseconds ago.