reversing the clocks ━ g.hawthorne [edited]

9. a deadly sin.

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A few days ago, I was informed by my beloved sister that Avery Grambs and Grayson Hawthorne was going to be interviewed together as something to prevent a certain other interview from going online. When I found out, I tried to convince myself it was whatever.

It wasn't whatever.

Grayson and Avery. Avery and Grayson. The idea of Grayson being with anyone else made me envious. What's wrong with me?

I sigh as I walk into my (well, my family's) house and head to the kitchen. I didn't even need to greet my sister before she started ranting to me.

"I give them both mock interview sessions and speech practice and training conversations, but still, they manage to mess up!" Alisa groans as she pulls open the refrigerator. I listen as she rants something about not telling her and worrying about loyalty.

I set my purse down and unbutton the two top buttons of my shirt as I reach in the opened fridge to grab a bottle of iced water. "What? What do you mean, mess up?"

"The interview, Vic!" Alisa says as I twist open the cap and let the bottle touch my lips. "I mean, I understand she was saying things she wasn't supposed to, but Grayson didn't have to go and kiss her!" And my throat closed up and the water was spat out and I was choking and coughing for help.

Alisa pats my back slightly as I struggle to clear away both the water and the information from my throat. "God, what's wrong with you? The floor's all wet."

My eyes were tearing up as I struggle to breathe. "How did you expect me to react, jump up and down and clap my hands? Should I maybe have confetti prepared next time?" I say in between gasps.

"Whatever, are you okay?" I nod at my sister's concern. "Good. And I thought you knew. It happened yesterday, Vic."

Yesterday was therapy day, and I barely checked my phone. I tend to do that during days I had therapy because I was paranoid that if I focused on anything else other than help, I would never get better. It was a habit that young 14-year-old Victoria was to blame.

"I know they had an interview together, Allis, I wasn't expecting them to kiss? What, was it like in the script or something?" I try to joke to lighten up my sister's (and my own) mood. But all I got in return was the great Alisa Glare™.

Alisa sighed and wiped a hand across her face. "This is ridiculous, Vic." Weirdly enough, her voice sounded almost sad. Like a disappointed mom who had just found out her son failed a test. "I just don't understand. They couldn't have at least told me?" Alisa sounded genuinely shattered. My heart pulsed at that. "God, if I could, I'd just slap Grayson." Knowing Alisa, she would've never hesitated to a few years ago. But things have changed.

"I could slap him for you. I don't mind," I offer.

Alisa thanked me sarcastically for my offer and went upstairs to her room. And I stood in the middle of our kitchen and tried to maintain my sanity.

Grayson kissed Avery. Their lips touched. Why was I so jealous of this? I was always bothered by Grayson and Emily, but it was never jealousy. Honestly, it was probably just annoyance. But this, this felt different. I wanted to be in her place. I wanted to be Avery.

Ah, fuck.

The same night after I found out, I couldn't fall asleep. I haven't stepped foot in Hawthorne House ever since the bowling thing we've done. And I wasn't planning to anytime soon.

I stared at the ceiling. The air from outside whipping into my room, sending my curtains soaring and leaving shadows running across everything. I was freezing with the AC on and the windows open, but even then, I still felt hot in my chest. There was a weird kind of pressure in it. I felt like if I tried hard enough to gag, vomit would pour out immediately.

I felt sick.

I didn't love Grayson. But for a long amount of time-from 14 to 18-I had a crush on him. I always discarded it as just a thing little girls have, but the older I got, the more I realize that this wasn't just a thing. It was an intense feeling that felt like juggling lit matches in a room coated with gasoline. Any wrong move and the entire room could be on fire.

Some days, I felt like I was the one juggling. Other days, I felt like the lit matches. And on certain days, I felt like I was the room burning down.

I tried to stop my hand. I tried to pull back the urge to just... do it. But I wasn't strong enough. So I did it anyway.

I picked up my phone and went straight to social media, and won't you look at that, it's the first thing that pops up. User @iluvcats34 posted a snippet from the interview that showed Grayson leaning in and smashing his lips on Avery's.

All it took was one video. One snippet. All it took was 9 seconds, and I already had my phone thrown across the room. I was too lazy to pick it up now. Good, I thought, I wouldn't have to look at it anymore.

I turn into the pillow next to me and let out a long frustrated groan.

He really did kiss her. He kissed her and I wish he kissed me instead.

Suddenly I understood why the wind chooses to be unseen. To have such ability to scream and howl so loudly while being invisible is probably the greatest thing ever.

I wish I was wind. I wish Grayson kissed me. I wish I could soar endlessly with no worries or regrets.

I shove my head into my pillow and let my curls rub against my bare back. I'm so fucked.

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the first thing i'd like to say is how sorry i am for not posting, im trying to fix that. i promised myself i would start writing again after The Brothers Hawthorne came out, and i clearly failed to do so. im trying to set a writing schedule so i can be sure to update frequently just like i used to. ty for those who waited for me. 🫶

secondly, i just wanted to make sure yall know who im writing this fic for: 1. those who wanna see grayson in love with someone who he can relate to, and 2. those who want more of alisa. im trying my best to get vic more involved in the mystery, but ive seen so many fics where OCs honestly just steal avery's line, and i do not wanna be that way. i want vic to have her own story, and im very open to any suggestions.

once again, im very sorry for not updating in so long. i miss u all sm. votes and comments are very very appreciated 💖

-nkr.