The Beginning of the End (Newtmas)

Chapter 16

It's a bit triggering at times. So yea, warning. And I chose a One Direction song for this chapter cause I think it really fits and Zayn isn't actually that bad at singing. And I drove a Jeep two days ago and I freaking love Jeeps and I miss it. Oh and there's a lot of time lapses in this chapter. This chapter is a little short, but the other will be longer again :)

Newt had worsened again, which came as a surprise to him because he thought that he had been done with making himself miserable. Clearly, he wasn't anywhere near done as he was back on the bathroom floor, a bottle of Jack Daniel's, half emptied already even though he'd only started consuming it a few minutes ago. It burnt, but Newt's wrists burnt even more.

He liked to think that blaming Thomas would make this easier, but it made him more forceful as he tore his skin open, as if Thomas was doing this to him. Thomas was the one being forceful. But then he'd laugh, because blaming Thomas wasn't something he should do when it was all his own fault. The other had made him happy, and making it seem like he was responsible for Newt's darkest moments, wasn't fair. Newt was a horrible person.

"What now, Newt? Are you happy with what you've done?" Yes. Newt's sickening ways of thinking were the things that made him feel sane. Like asking himself these questions would make him seem less crazy, but he wasn't. And he liked that he was twisted and mental. He'd come to like the awful feelings he gave himself and they'd make him smile. Newt had lost himself entirely as he was being consumed by a demon that was nothing like the sweet Newt he'd once been years before.

He'd become his own devil, throwing the angelic part of him away because he didn't want it anymore. He wasn't willing to bring it back either as his own devil made him feel better, but at times, noticeably worse. It was like having a horrible friend that you love to pieces and don't want to get rid of, but at the same time, they break you and do nothing but bad. And Newt loved it.

"You're sick." A smile was on his face as he spoke aloud again, twirling the blade of the scissors in his hands, accidentally pricking his finger with a sharp edge as he dug it into his skin too tightly. He laughed as the blood trailed down to his palm before falling to the wet, cold, tiled floor.

He continued marking his skin red, not wanting to stop as he kept muttering under his breath, making sure he knew how much he hated himself. Newt was acting like he'd been possessed, not realizing it as he was continuously making his wounds worse, deepening them as he went over the marks, over and over.

"Even Thomas hates you, Newt." No, Thomas loves you. The only thing he disagreed on with whatever that took over him, was the love Thomas had for him. He really wanted to believe, and had come to believe, that Thomas was in love with him. But the voice controlling him, decided it was the opposite. And Newt hated that, because he wanted someone to love him.

"Tommy loves me." He whimpered as he threw his scissors across from him. Newt got up from his usual corner of misery, dabbing a towel over all his wounds, which in his case was almost everywhere. He eventually gave up trying to stop the bleeding, so he just put on his sweatpants and went to bed, but not before letting Thomas' name leave his lips.

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"Newt. Newt, wake up." A voice that the blonde didn't recognize at first, awoke him as he was being shaken awake, and he realized who it was when his senses had awoken a few seconds later. Thomas was here.

"Tommy? What are you doing here?" He sat up, opening his eyes slowly as he adjusted to the daylight outside, leaning his back against the headboard and glancing up at the boy who was beside his bed.

"I came here to take you to school. And usually you're outside waiting for me but I didn't see you. So, I got worried and climbed through the window. And I knew I was right to be worried." Newt looked at him, confused as to why Thomas would say that he was right to worry.