The Beginning of the End (Newtmas)

Chapter 7

Newt was crying. No, scratch that. He was full on sobbing as he ran out of school and towards the log he sat on everyday whenever he could. He didn't bother to light a cigarette, he was too upset to do anything. For Newt, crying was a sign of weakness and he hated to cry, but the teacher had called his name to answer a question in class and when Newt had looked down in fear, he'd heard someone mumble about him at the back. That was all it took for Newt to storm out and run outside. He mentally hit himself for it now because having to face everyone later was not something he could do without wanting to run out again.

Newt stared straight ahead at the grassy field in front of him where he saw Thomas shooting some goals alone, and he contemplated on walking over to him because the other instantly brought a smile to Newt's lips. But he decided against it. He didn't want to bother Thomas with his problems that were stupid to begin with. Thomas probably had better things to worry about. He didn't care anyway, and Newt probably wouldn't ever believe that he did even if the other said so. No one was capable of caring for Newt and he knew that, but it still hurt just as bad when he realized that Thomas was part of that group, which meant that he didn't care either.

He could compliment Newt on every single flaw that he owned (which actually wasn't a flaw for the other at all, but for Newt, everything about him was imperfect), he could tell Newt countless times how amazing he was and rant on and on about every little thing, and how much he cared, but Newt wouldn't believe it. People lie, everyone lies, Newt was the prefect example of a liar, and Thomas probably wasn't any different.

Newt's whole act at school was a lie. He had to pretend at school. He couldn't like certain things, and if he did then he couldn't talk about them in fear of being judged. And he couldn't dress out of the ordinary if he didn't want to stand out. There were things he couldn't do, and ways he couldn't act. Everything naturally became a pretend. His whole being had become one huge lie that only Thomas got to see through. And that really terrified him.

He was himself with Thomas without realizing it until the other was gone. Everything he was scared of being judged for, replaced his lies so that Thomas could see the truth. That's why Thomas would always be so shocked at the difference between Newt around everyone and Newt alone with Thomas. It was like a completely different person in control of the same body. Thomas became slightly unsure sometimes over what was real and what was an act, but he'd learned Newt's habits and the way he'd say things in different situations, the way he'd look in different situations.

Thomas had studied Newt and could tell you exactly when Newt was lying and when he wasn't. And he knew exactly what Newt pretended to believe in front of everyone. Thomas had managed to separate the two people living inside of Newt's body. And he could differentiate between them both. He knew if it was the real Newt or if it wasn't. That very fact made Newt slowly fall apart. He realized it more and more, Thomas was getting too close. Newt didn't want that, he couldn't have that happen. But no matter how often he'd attempt to get rid of Thomas, the other kept insisting and Newt's walls would break down a little more every time he did.

Newt was still a closed book to Thomas. He didn't know things about him. He just knew the way he acted and how in certain situations. He didn't know why it was this way, he didn't know much of anything about the other besides that he didn't like his mother very much and that he hated school. He knew that he had a habit of smoking and listening to music at a really loud volume. And he knew that something was very off. What he didn't know was that Newt knew that as soon as Thomas breaks that first barrier, he's gonna start telling him almost everything because he'd become so helpless and weak, and Thomas was all he had. Normally he would've been able to live with that because Thomas was enough for him, but the other could also always leave him. He didn't want him to leave. He was scared of Thomas leaving, so he made sure to keep Thomas at a safe distance so that it wouldn't affect him too much if the other did. If he kept his secrets to himself then Thomas couldn't do anything, and it wouldn't hurt as much if he decided that he was sick of Newt and left him.