VIVIDWords | AkiToya (Project Sekai)

Boxed {6}

     Toya laid in his apartment, thoughts wandering around mindlessly in his head. The TV blared in his head like sirens, whatever talk show that was currently on being nothing more than particularly loud background noise. He sighed, resting against the couch's pillow as he tilted his head to the side, only now paying attention to the show.

     It wasn't anything special, instead being about a completely irrelevant street group.

     It reminded him of Akito, in a way.

     Akito.

     His mind hadn't been entirely cleaned of thoughts of the ginger, however they did calm down, becoming far less frequent after months had passed by. He was glad by far, he knew how inconvenient it'd be to have someone stuck in his head for months on end.

     After all, he was all too familiar with that feeling.

     Yet, some selfish, stupid part of him hated himself for that. For the idea of moving on from him. He already knew why, he was already frustrated at himself for that feeling, for every feeling that still remained for Akito, even for Mizuki, he was aware that they would never been reciprocated again.

     He still struggled at accepting his relations had any use, that he himself had any use.

     Maybe that's why he still loved Akito after all this time. Their former relationship.

     Toya still wanted to try to repair their relationship, wanting to grasp at whatever remains may still be there. Even though he was certain there were no longer any shared feelings that lingered in the gap between them, he still wanted to form a bridge in that space. To reach out to Akito.

     To reach out?

     He let out a small chuckle at that idea, the way there was any chance their roles reversed. There was something about it that was humorous, that he could 'save' Akito in the same way he had done for him.

     He liked thinking of it that way.

     It made it sound possible.

     He loved him more than he thought, didn't he?
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     Moments of clarity came rarely to Akito.

     They only sprung up when his mind was actually silent, only to disappear moments later as it became clouded by thoughts of the past.

     It left him almost always tense, even when practicing; his supposed passion no longer did anything for him. He wondered when he got burnt out, he missed having something to do, something to work on.

     It all felt hopeless now.

     He sat there, staring down at the book in the same café as yesterday. It rested on his lap as he unconsciously flipped through the pages, a somewhat unfamiliar expression displayed on his face, something with the appearance of the aforementioned clarity. His gaze lingered on every other sentence for a bit too long, the sensation of joyful warmth filling him as a light smile played on his lips.

     "He lifted his trembling hand, as if attempting to reach out for the other, although he was already far beyond reaching point. Underneath the moonlight, he only then realized how useless the venture as a whole was. Had he not caught feelings for his knight, then he wouldn't have lost more than he had prior. He was his own demise."

     Something about the story felt all too familiar, uncanny, even. He furrowed his brows as he continued reading, until hearing approaching footsteps.