The Writer's Gradebook | Closed For Requests

━ 001. Mr Rude & Me by vintage-wifi

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Also... will they ever be friends?

Probably less.

But... maybe M O R E.

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I don't think I need to explain why that looks and sounds silly, but the all-caps and spaced-out emphasis on more really makes it seem worse than the description overall actually is. I would have maybe gone with: When Chelsea is inexplicably dragged into the rollercoaster of havoc that is Kyle's life, her life is completely flipped upside down. Can she stay true to herself through all the changes that come crashing down around her? Will Chelsea and Kyle ever become truly friends... or more?

The premise itself isn't my style, so that's pretty much the best I can do. Moving on; the only hook that really dragged me in was the last paragraph, which made the plot seem intriguing. I was pretty enticed by the tag "dragracing", as well. I'm sure there's tons of stories involving drag racing on Wattpad, I've just never personally read any.

It should be noted that the title reads "Under Editing". However, this book was finished in 2021, and the last update after its completion was to the first chapter, also in 2021. I'm not sure that there's been any editing since. Well, let's dive into the first chapter anyway.

Here is my first problem. (You were warned I'm picky about grammar.) I know lots of people don't care about being kinda sacrilegious because they aren't religious themselves; fine, whatever. But it IS grammatically improper to write "god" unless you are referring to multiple gods or deities (i.e. the Greek gods, for example). The concept of a single, omnipotent God is a totally different thing, and you must spell it with a capital G. Thus, "Oh my god" is improper spelling. If you are writing Percy Jackson fanfiction or a story involving polytheistic mythology or a polytheistic religion, have your characters say "Oh my gods" to your heart's content. But if you're going to say the Lord's name in vain like a naughty little sinner, do it with correct capitalization.

Oh, no, my little grammar check rant isn't over. Whoever wrote Mr Rude & Me hasn't yet discovered periods in dialogue. Here's a direct quote from Chapter 1:

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"Why do you have all these bags with you?" He asks confused and curious "Oh I'm Nicholas by the way. My friends call me Nick though"

"I'm Chelsea" I smile lightly "And the bags.. I kind of got kicked out of my dorm"

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Hhhhhhuugghhhhhhhhhh. Okay. So. After a line of dialogue, dialogue tags begin with a lowercase letter. Ex.: he asks. Secondly, commas, people. Use 'em. Not too much, Oscar Wilde and Jane Austen, but use 'em: he asks, confused and curious. Oh, yeah. Periods go at the end of sentences as well. Pretty much always, unless there's an exclamation or question mark, or a comma, in certain dialogue cases. Oh, I'm Nicholas, by the way. My friends call me Nick, though. See what a little punctuation can do? Also, ellipses are three dots. And the bags... I kind of got kicked out of my dorm.

Do people even care that much about how many bags you're carrying? They're all probably looking at their phones and minding their own business.

Grammar aside, the characters are a whole other piece of work. Nick needs to have his social interaction privileges taken away immediately, because he obviously spent way too long in quarantine and now he's terrorizing everyone he meets. Between "oh my word" and "I didn't know pretty girls could write" he gives off uncomfortably mixed signals. Is he a misogynist? Is he just a dork with no social skills? Maybe he was raised by his misogynistic great-grandpa. I think that would explain things nicely. The fact that Chelsea interprets this as flirting is beyond me. Nick also apparently goes around telling people that his best friend could use a new roommate BUT NOT YOU, HE WOULDN'T LIKE YOU but you know what I'll bring you to his dorm anyway even though you're a total stranger, I'm sure he won't mind hahaha... And Nick, come on, stop telling people that your best friend isn't nice. Even my best friend doesn't do that — she knows I'm not nice, she just doesn't hold up a blinking neon sign that says it everywhere she goes, for Cinderella's sake.