*HARSH REVIEWER WARNING!*
We all know how Wattpad can be. Jaw-droppingly beautiful stories get less than a thousand reads while flaming piles of garbage riddled with cliches and contrivances that barely pass for plot reach into the millions and shoo...
Anyway. The following review was completed probably around... November 8th? November 10th maybe? I'm not sure. Everything from here on out was written before then; this aside was added on November 15th. End note.
I am aware this story is a first draft, and I also respect the bravery of the author who delivered our first official review request, so I will henceforth be extending some level of grace to mistakes. However, given that it's a rough draft, the writer can use all the help she can get, so I'm still going to shred everything I can for constructive purposes; I'll just do it with as little mocking as my generally less-than-friendly demeanor allows. Y'all know the drill. We start with the cover.
It's not a great cover; it's not a horrible cover. None of the text is centered correctly, which is why it feels off to look at. The white-text-on-black and the illustration of a brain works, and I like the addition of a strikethrough on the 'break' portion of OUTBREAK. I would add a space right before the word and even right after if needed, so that the strike appears even on both sides. Like so:
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Strikethrough in text can be wonky. Instead of 'surviving' as a subtitle, I would use the second portion of your title ('the first surge'). 'Surviving' comes out of nowhere.
The tags are all enticing to me and the description accomplishes its goal, albeit in the most basic way possible. I'm going to go ahead and show the description here so I can break down what I like and don't like about it:
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Four families find themselves facing a daunting challenge as they fight for survival against an insidious disease that turns the living into the living dead. The virus spreads rapidly, causing widespread panic and chaos, and the United States government faces the difficult task of managing the situation. As time passes, the families must unite and navigate a society on the brink of collapse. On November 21, 2023, their lives are forever altered as they are thrust into the heart of a global crisis that poses a significant threat to humanity. Life now requires the families to work together to overcome the challenges and demand everyone's innocence in order to survive.
"Not everyone survives. Not all of us are here. That's just how it goes out here and sooner or later in there."
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The first sentence is great and sets up the premise, with the second sentence as padding. The date—November 21, 2023—seems misplaced. That should be at the beginning; lead with important dates to avoid confusion. [Aside: Having read the story, I now understand that events don't actually begin on this date, which probably explains its placement, but I still can't avoid the fact that it feels weird to say an important date in the middle of the blurb.]
The description is also—you guys knew it was coming—too short for my taste. Yeah, one paragraph doesn't get across why your story is unique. It tells me that you've written a zombie apocalypse story, and that's it. You can't catch your readers' attention without standing out in some way. This descriptory paragraph (did I just make up a word? maybe) could potentially apply to any generic zombie story. It needs to be tailored specially to the book itself, whether by providing vague details about the characters or hinting at some special twist.
