I can't do this

8 whole years

⚠️tw abuse⚠️

****8th July 2021***

Y/n pov

Going through foster care can be a really tough and challenging experience. It can feel like everything in your life is constantly changing, and it's hard to find stability and a sense of belonging. You know this because you got dumped in to foster care when you were 7 days old. You've had over 6 foster families, however this last lot have been your longest. 8 whole years it will be next week, you honestly don't know how you have survived.

"gosh I'm gonna be late to school," You say to yourself rooting for your school uniform in agonising pain.

None of it has been washed in years due to my foster parents Leanne and Steven not letting you. You grab a perfume bottle you stole off Leanne and start to spray it over your crusty clothes hoping the stench goes away. They believe you don't deserve nice items of clothes that are washed because you should smell like the rotten human being you are. You quickly slide into your crispy uniform whilst sweat drips from your forehead worried who you're going to face when you get down stairs. You sprint along the hall down the stairs like your life depends on it, picking up your football kit without looking back and legging it towards the door.

Being late for school can be quite stressful. The frantic rush to get ready, the fear of facing consequences, and the anxiety of missing out on important information can all add to the pressure.

"Take a deep breath y/n gather your self quickly. Just do your best to get there as soon as you can and communicate with your teachers about what happened. You've got this y/n" You say to yourself trying to calm your nerves.

Walking through the playground with anxiety can be really overwhelming. The sounds of children playing, the bustling energy, and the unfamiliar surroundings can intensify those anxious feelings.

"Take deep breaths, focus on grounding yourself, you're in control. If it becomes too much, find a quiet spot to gather your thoughts or take a break." You say coaching yourself through your emotions.

Walking to class can be an adventure in itself. As you stroll through the halls, you can't help but notice the vibrant energy and the sound of laughter echoing through the corridors. The familiar faces of classmates and the friendly hellos create a sense of belonging. The anticipation builds as I approach the classroom door, With each step, I feel a sense of purpose.

"And breathe" you say to yourself as you sit down at your desk.

Later on that day ...

"Girls get ready, this is going to be an intense training session. We have our biggest match yet. There a great team and we never seem to beat them, but I have hope we are going to get through this all together" your coach Beth says beaming with pride.

You rarely don't see a smile on her face, she's one of the happiest people you have met. Lottie (your best friend and captain of the team) starts to shout.

"come on girls we can do this, let's get on with some training" she's always been the one to get up and encourage the girls, that's why you love her.

You all run off to set up the drills that had been passed round on pieces of paper.

" Well done girls, once the drills are set up I'd like you to run 4 laps of the field, take it slow we don't want any injuries" she demands.

You all smile. Your coach beth really cares about you girls. And with that you all start your laps. This is your happy space, but also your safe space. You know nothing can hurt you (unintentionally) while at football, you let yourself run free, with no worry in sight.

The hour long session of football came to a quick end and you know it's only a matter of minutes till you have to go back to the horror you call home.

"Oiii y/n bronze you not coming to the party at Rachel's house tonight" lotte asks.

Looking down you didn't answer, you're not aloud out only to school and football. Your 'parents' let you go to football so people don't get suspicious of your home life. You're very grateful for this as it keeps you grounded for the week.

" no sorry I have to get back, got family coming over" you say lying to your best mate.

You hate lying but you know you can't tell her. It would just lead to things getting worse even though it can't get much worse than it is.

"you say that all the time... come on you'll see them another time, you need to let yourself go" you think to your self.

If I sneak out I'm gonna pay for it later.
But if I get drunk enough it will numb all the pain so I won't feel it as much.. hmmm

"oiii lottie, I'll come what time??"
Lotties face lights up.

"Omg y/n yayyy, be at mine for 7:30 and we'll walk together"

" ok can't wait see you there" you say walking home knowing the mess you're gonna see.

Walking to the door with abusive parents inside is a haunting experience that causes a mix of fear, anxiety, and a glimmer of hope. It is a journey filled with crazy emotions. The anticipation as you go to open the door knowing that encountering steve or leanne will cause either emotional or physical harm. This can be overwhelming, knowing that walking through the door will lead to further pain and suffering. This emotional event can be paralyzing, making the journey to the door a daunting task.You open the door to Steve and Leanne smirking knowing the beating you're about to get.

You speed through the door, running for the stairs. As you reach the stairs you feel your feet dragging, not running fast enough for how you'd like them. You can hear his heavy footsteps closing in behind you. Panic sets in, you know this is it. Your grip on the hand rail becomes tighter dragging your self to the top when all of a sudden you feel a hand grab the back of your collar pulling you backwards down the stairs causing you to fall to the floor. You look up at him with saddened eyes,

"this is all my fault I shouldn't have spoke to lottie after practice." You mumble to yourself.

And with that he boots his foot towards your stomach kicking harder and harder. You grown in pain. It all stops until you feel one last boot to the head and it's black.

You wake up in bed, checking your phone you see it's 6:00 pm. Arghh I need to get ready and get out of this hell hole. 7:15 approaches and your just covering the last of your cuts and bruises with makeup. You head to under your bed and neck two thirds of a bottle of vodka that was under your bed for emergency's. You finish tying up your bedsheets in a line tie it to the post of your bed and out of your window ready for your escape route to get to Lotties.

——————————————————————AN -that's the first chapter under wraps, hope you guys enjoyed it. Let me know in the comments.