𝐇𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐤

Cigarettes and broken hearts

Her face was covered in bruises, and her eyes were completely swollen.

My father must have beaten her up again.

I could see the pain and fear  on her face, as she struggled to hide the evidence of her suffering. The sight broke my heart, knowing that my father's violent outbursts had once again taken a toll on her.

Every fucking time my father beats her up, I feel sorry for her.

Even though she witnessed her own fucking child being raped by her own father, she did nothing.

Even though I cried myself to sleep every night, hoping not to wake up in the morning, she did nothing.

Even though she fucked my father after he raped me.

Even though I begged her to help me every time my father beat me until I passed out, she laughed in my face.

They're still my parents.

My mother's angry voice brought me back to reality.

"What do you want from me?"

I knew she would never visit me if she didn't want something. It had become clear to me that her visits were always motivated by her own needs or desires. This realization left me feeling disappointed and used.

"You should buy us cigarettes. Mr. Grayson banned us from his store after we stole cigarettes again. I'm not sure how he found out we took the cigarettes, but I think he has eyes on his back as well." She laughed.

I think she's drunk again. Her request for cigarettes confirmed my suspicions about her intentions.  As she laughed,I noticed the slurred words, leading me to believe that she was intoxicated once more.

"I'm 16, Mom, and I can't legally buy cigarettes." I tried to sound sad as I explained that I couldn't afford them.

"Why not, you сука?" What did I do to earn such an ungrateful daughter? Isn't it enough that I offered you a place to sleep?" She smacked me across the face while I was completely covered in bandages.

Why would you beat your daughter after she just had a head trauma?

"I'm sorry," I replied softly, hoping she wouldn't hit me again.

She just walked out of the hospital room with a dirty look on her face.

I burst into tears.

My emotions overwhelmed me, and tears streamed down my face uncontrollably. The weight of the pain was too much to handle, and I found peace in releasing my pain through my tears.

Why is everyone against me?

I had no friends my entire life and had been bullied since high school. The weight of loneliness and constant bullying had taken control over me, leaving me feeling bad all the time.

It seemed as though no matter where I turned, there was always someone ready to bring me down. The pain of rejection and the seeking for physical touch overwhelmed me, leading to my uncontrollable outpouring of tears.

I thought that changing school might help.

Spoiler alert: things got worse.

I wanna  fucking die.

I felt completely overwhelmed by the constant negativity and isolation I experienced. It seemed like no matter what I did, I couldn't escape the feeling of being targeted and misunderstood.

The weight of it all made me question if there was any hope for a better future.

I remember my father beating me up every night after he raped me. It turns him on when he fucks my mother after he raped me.