Submerged

Chapter 3

A mannequin to the right of the glass door is dressed in a beautiful silk dress with gold beading on the bodice. It's stunning. I reach out and run my finger along the expensive fabric, imagining how it would look on me before moving on. I take my time in the store, making a mental note to come back for a few items before exiting and continuing down the sidewalk.

I end up at the park and take a seat on an empty bench, my gaze roaming over each person who walks by. Couples holding hands, a family of three, four girls laughing and gossiping. I wonder what their home life is like, how normal and average it must be and I yearn for it. I sit there until my coffee is finished, dispose of the cup and turn my phone back on with a sigh. I ignore the many notifications of missed calls and messages, drop the device back in my purse and exit the park.

I don't even make it around the block when an all black SUV hits the breaks in the road beside me. The passenger window rolls down and I'm shocked to see Leo's tired face staring at me from the driver's seat. He doesn't say anything but I can feel the heavy weight of his disapproval sitting on my shoulders just from his expression. I open the passenger door and climb in, securing my seatbelt as Leo rolls my window up before pulling away from the curb.

The car is silent, the feeling suffocating as it stretches until I can barely breathe. I hate Lorenzo sometimes, he's too smart for his own good and it pisses me off. Of course he knew sending Leo would make me feel more guilty than him or any other made man picking me up. Leo is constantly working so making him take the time out of his day because I'm being a brat just hits a little harder, especially when he spends the majority of his time learning to save peoples lives.

He's dressed in scrubs, scruff on his face, and dark circles under his eyes as he focuses on the road.

The sight of him looking so tired and disheveled slices through my gut and I hit my breaking point.

"Just say it Leo." I demand, guilty tears burning my eyes as I refuse to let a single one fall.

"What do you want me to say, Alessia?" He questions in an even tone. "Do you want me to remind you of how dangerous it is for you to ditch your guard? Do you want me to point out that right now is probably the most dangerous time for you to do that when the entire organized crime world is well aware we're about to merge our family with the Di Salvo's?" He glances over at me with a single brow raised before focusing on the road again. "You know what you did, you're a grown woman."

The first tear falls. "Fuck you, Leo."

"Fuck me?" He repeats in outrage. "Fuck me for telling Lorenzo I'd pick you up instead of him knowing he had a mouthful of anger to spew at you? Fuck me for picking you up after working a 20 hour shift where I helped operate on a van full of people that were hit by a bus? Fuck me for thinking you might rather see me than anyone else right now?" He scoffs, "Yeah... fuck me."

Tears spill down my cheeks and my chest aches painfully. I'm so tired of this, tired of everything at this point. One guilt trip after another.

"No, I guess fuck me. For being selfish because I just want an hour to myself to feel like a normal person. Fuck me for wanting to feel the slightest bit of happiness, something I haven't felt in so long its starting to really scare me." I swipe at my cheeks, releasing a dry laugh. "Fuck me for being born the only fucking female in this godforsaken family. I'm aware of the things you do, the job you have. I wish I could relate!"

My chest is heaving, my face soaked by the time I'm done. And god am I done. Maybe the next time I see my guard I'll take his gun and put a bullet between my eyes. Maybe I'll find the type of peace in death that I've never been granted in life.

"I'm not them, you know that." Leo replies defensively.

He's not but he lets them get in his head more than he realizes.