By My Side

Chapter 31 - Hope

She doesn't know what to... think about everything Anakin told her. It shouldn't be possible.

But remaining in stubborn denial over it won't change how their relationship is going, which is nowhere pleasant. She doesn't even know what to do about it. Ahsoka has never had to worry about relationships having problems, because Jedi don't deal with that. It's some sort of drama that normal citizens deal with, not Jedi. And Ahsoka has absolutely no idea how to begin handling it.

All she does know is that she really just wants to cry. This entire situation is... exhausting.

She doesn't understand why Anakin isn't listening to her or why he's being so stubborn or why... anything. Any of this.

Nor does she understand what's wrong with her. She shouldn't feel on the verge of breaking down for no real reason. What she should be doing is trying to find a way back to Coruscant. Her being on the other side of the galaxy and away from home doesn't mean she's not a Jedi, and she needs to find a way back.

That's where she belongs.

But thinking about it makes her feel lost and... where could she start?

Yes, Ahsoka has been keeping an eye on patrols and weak points, but it doesn't seem like that's going to be enough. Maybe she just... needs reassurance. Which is stupid, because she's a Jedi and shouldn't have to rely on anything so much. All she needs is the Force, and she has it.

She understands why Anakin is struggling with this, but she doesn't really at the same time. It's complicated, and she just... doesn't understand why this has to be so hard. He's supposed to be her master, and he should've let go of the past-her... right?

They couldn't have been that close.

Or maybe she's just thinking based on what they're like now, because she can't imagine it any other way. She much prefers him over Master Obi-Wan, but... he's just very, very hard to deal with sometimes. Especially when he's being so overprotective. She's a Jedi padawan. He doesn't have to treat her like a baby.

Or glass.

She's not breakable.

If only that would make her feel a bit less miserable.

***

Ahsoka comes back a while later, still visibly upset over their argument. She doesn't say anything for a while, just sits beside him, watching. "Now what?" his padawan inquires at long last. "What do we do?"

"Do?" Anakin repeats. His brain must be moving sluggishly, because he has no idea what she's asking.

"Yes."

"About?"

"Leaving?" she replies as if she thinks it's obvious. "We have to get back to the Temple."

Right. That sounds familiar. Anakin makes a quiet noise of acknowledgement. "I don't know. I don't know if they'll be welcoming of me."

"I still don't understand why."

"I don't understand any of this either, Ahsoka. I don't know... what's going on or... anything. I would go back if we could, but I don't know if it's practical. At least not right now. But you're right – we can't stay here, either. We can't stay with the Sith." Even if Anakin is no better than them – he can't put everything at risk like this.

"I know we'll have to wait until you can move, but..."

Ahsoka bites her lip, and for the first time in a long time, Anakin sees the traces of the lost child she truly is. It's easy to forget how young she is, but she's only fourteen now, going on fifteen, and Anakin himself is twenty. Even if his mind is twenty-two, the difference is so slight it matters little.