세상의 끝: End of the World

The In-between

You were my story, your word comes to mind endlessly.
Just by being able to look at it, like a photo that will be engraved deeply in my heart .
I'll gather my memories one by one and cherish them in my heart.
Your scent became the wind and flew far away.
I'll remember it forever.
I'll wish for eternity with you.

I never though I was meant to reach this far, I thought it would be over by now, that I'd escape from this place, from the scars, but I was mistaken, somehow. Time passed, yet I clung on to that mindset, lost in its suffocating despair, believing I'd one day forget, leave this all behind, no longer burdened, no longer there. So I surrender it all, without a fight, dreams, hopes, and aspirations resigned, thrown into adulthood's daunting sight, no future plans, no purpose defined.

Now an empty shell, devoid of reason, living with failed attempts and decayed ambition, burned by weariness, unable to carry the burden, neglecting any thought of survival, of being saved only seeking solace, a respite from this lifelong mission for purpose for reason. Only for everything to be ripped away all those years ago by a person I once called only a childhood friend.

Weeks I spent thinking over different circumstances to find out our feelings within this dying society, ways like through the shelter of my parents old house, the sounds of zombies far away and groggy disappearing as the rain taps against the roofing and barracked windows. Where the only thing stopping us was our fear of dying without each other, not fearing a zombie king or someone I used to trust deeply. It was true the closest things to us always hurt us the most! Maybe under the shaft patters of rain could I feel his thin, frail body against mine, only then I would I finally take a breath in of fresh air, intoxicated with his scent.

Weeks where I fantasied the simple words "I love you", I could simply state to him as the wind begins picking up outside the little dingy house. Where I knew a scared reply would lie, "for how long? How long until one of us dies? How long until we can not feel any emotion at all? I can't. I won't" I could almost hear the phrase being said in return as sparkling tears pricked in his eyes once I confessed. "Loving you would mean losing you."

A world where he would keep rambling about losing me as his breathing became unsteady as the first tear fell down his bruised and bleeding cheek. "That is a battle I have already lost," I would of said, I dreamed of being able to swipe my thumb underneath his eye lashes as softly as I could over the falling tears to collect on my thumbs. All I wanted to do since the day I watched algae coloured hands grab ahold of him, was to comfort him and hold him in my flesh coloured ones.

"It will be one of us in the end," he would whimper in that quiet voice, I now knew I loved as his eyes closed and head tilting down wanting to cower away in a corner, "we don't have forever, we may not even have a week." "Then, just be mine for now, please Sungie" I would state again without hesitation as my wet tense finger grazes under his chin tilting it up slightly, Jisung's eyes would still be screwed shut, I could imagine the wrinkles forming underneath and around as he squeezed them shut harder.

This is stupid, I knew would run through Jisung's mind. Faced with a zombie apocalypse and we're throwing useless love confessions at each other, that could simply last only a couple hours. But he would feel something wet on his cheek and would know what his body is craving. As the sky outside would darken quickly; the stars regaining their twinkle as the sun sets, remaining zombies grumbling and groaning away from the silent home. I would inhale deeply and the sound would catch in Jisung's ears and that would only make our heart waver even more in the dimly lit house. We both wouldn't want to face the heavy sadness in our heart about eventually leaving the dying earth or just each other, so we would let the instincts take over. Follow the craving of each others body.

I would lean down cautiously and Jisung would seem to immediately understand what's going on because he would meet me halfway until our mouths are on each other, shy but full of passion and that craving, my body would tremble with the words, finally! My body would twist so that I'm fully facing Jisung, so that I can tilt my head at a better, more comfortable angle and then there would be no more hesitation when I part my lips, and Jisung would soon follow suit, both of us just eager to drink each other in, to feel and taste each other as much as we can in the fleeting moment.

I could imagine the skies opening up fully and stars start to pour across the blank canvas, but we wouldn't pull apart at least not immediately. Jisung would wrap a single arm around my neck, soft but tugging, clinging on to me like when he was a child, while my hands would find way to Jisung's slim waist, holding him steady and keeping myself stable. Our kisses only getting more desperate as we get drenched in the feeling of longing, drenched in our bodies craving for each others touch.

When we have no choice left but to pull apart for much needed air, hoarse laughter would escape Jisung's throat. "We're actually kissing during an apocalypse," he would point out, almost whispering, so that the aura around us wouldn't break and startle whatever lingering zombies were around. "Like we're starring in some sappy romance drama!"

I would laugh along because I always understood his humour, but my hold would tighten around Jisung as his touch slowly disappears, I try pull my arm more around him so I can drag him closer, feel him flush against me, and I try resume the kiss just a little bit more, but Jisung's boxy smile slowly disappears from view, I could no longer feel his breath against my lips. Could no longer see his twinkling eyes that grow the more he smiles, no longer feel his hands on me.

I could no longer smell his scent! I was alone, once again in this dying world.