Pip and Ravi (a good girls guide home)

Two Years Ago....

Authors note: hey everyone I know my grammar isn't perfect but it's my first story and a lot of writing so enjoy! Also all references to any of the agggtm books belong to Holly Jackson,
-Belle
Pips Pov:

"Hey sarge, you okay?" said Ravi in his usual warm voice, as he navigated through the piles of papers that had supposed to be for my new murder board, thats right another one, which was going to be called the DT board, but was full of leads that led to dead ends.

"hmmm oh yeah, just working on Cambridge papers and shit" I mumbled under my breath, I hadn't been sleeping much lately and the Xanax hadn't helped. Whenever Ravi came into my room I got that feeling in my gut again, the painful one, that felt like a huge hole of notheness  had swallowed up all my emotions and left me with nothing. I knew he'd find out sooner or later about the pills, but every day was another day that I could keep the secret at this point and besides he'd freak out, I just know he would. Even picturing the look on his face if he found out brought shivers down my spine, and so here I was again withholding the truth from him another day.
"What was that sarge?" He asked, once again in his happiest tone of voice, as he strode three large steps, closing the distance between me, my laptop, and him. I clutched the laptop harder as my palms began to sweat with nerves. The pills were just inches away from my sweating hands, and Ravi was now hovering over my shoulder peeking at my laptop, one wrong move and he'd find out. The hole in my gut once more grew bigger and the sweat on my hands turned to blood.
Stanley
Six shots
Shit not now, He'll know something's up, I thought. But my thoughts turned to jumbled up knots inside my brain and than they untangled rapidly and started screaming in unison
Charlie please don't do this
Six shots
I'm begging you!
Stanley screaming
NO!
I pulled away from Ravi, who's hand had been on my shoulder and put my head in my hands, not daring to look up.
"Sarge? You okay?"
His words felt numb in my ears, and I was barely able to pull myself together, spin around in my chair and say a happy, "yes of course! So where were we?"
He gave me a puzzled look and my hands began to sweat again but immediately stopped when he said, "we were supposed to be going out to dinner?"
Fuck
I had completely forgotten about the dinner plans the two of us had made months ago before this whole DT mess.
"Oh yeah right, ummm,"
im not even close to ready it will take me hours!
"Let me just touch up my makeup and pull on a nice outfit, I'll be ready in seven minutes tops," I claimed as I stood up from chair about to move over to my closet when Ravi stopped me in my tracks.
"Come on sarge I know you better than that, I already canceled it's completely fine." He said still smiling, it was a little more forced than his usual one but still an impressive attempt to cover up his obvious disappointment.
"oh." I said slowly as he nudged me back into my seat.
"Anyway I thought if we aren't going out you could at least tell me what your up to?"
I had stopped listening to him, zoning out more and more as he continued to talk, staring at a blank spot on my blank wall. I was too busy thinking about DT and his little appearance on my speakers last night too focus.
"Trouble...." Ravi tried again
I continued to stare.
"Pip the DT killer is Max Hastings!"
"hmmm oh no that's not possible max is out of town again, everyone knows and DT left me another message last night over the speakers remember?"
"joking sarge, but there's definitely something wrong, you keep staring at your completely boring wall. What happened to the sarge i know who always seems to find trouble, trouble?"
"Sorry, sorry" I blurted out
I needed an excuse something that would throw him off my trail.
"Just tired, with last night and all that you know?"
"We'll why didn't you say so!? Here,' he said, as he lifted me out of my chair and placed me onto my bed. I didn't even try to resist cause I knew how useless it was. 'Clothes?'
"Oversized sweatshirt and shorts," I replied, but I knew he had already known the answer because in a split second he was handing me my hot pink shorts and a grey Malibu sweatshirt. I threw the sweatshirt over my head about to take off my black leather mini skirt to exchange for the comfort of the softness of my shorts when Ravi said, "I'll get your laptop for you, I know you get all pouty when you don't turn in your homework on time," he joked.
I froze in my tracks.
"Oh it's no big deal, i think I'll just take a quick nap, I'll grab it later" I said through gritted teeth, my body shaking more and more by the second.
I was too late though, Ravi was already at my desk one hand on the laptop, the other on a plastic bag, a bag full of pills.
"Pi—p wha-, PiP wHaT iS tHiS????"
his voice was shaky and a small quiver escaped his lips as he stood shocked eyes switching back and forth between me and the pills.
"uuuuuhhhhhh" was all that would come out of my mouth.
His face kept changing expressions, confused to angry to confused to angry and back again. I could tell in his eyes though, behind his dark pupils and the frown that was crossing his lips, there was pure disappointment. I was about to say something that the old Pip would say, something kind and well thought out, but my emotions took the better of me and I lunged off my bed, pouncing at the pill bag and ripping it from Ravis shaking hands, until my nails had been imprinted onto the sticky plastic. It didn't take long for Ravi to notice he wasn't holding the bag anymore and he tore it from my desperate clutches.
"Pip..." he started, "where did you get this?"
"Its none of your business," I screamed at him, "give it back Ravi, you don't understand!"
"What? was it that old dirtbag Howey Bowers? Wait but he's still in jail, and that means...I bet it was Luke. Why Pip why? This is so beneath you Pippa."
His words stung, and i flinched at them, each contributing to the growing hole in my stomach. He had done it. He had said my full name which deflated any care I had left for him.I NEEDED those pills he just didn't understand. Sal was different, Sal was murdered by a teacher, but Stanley, Stanley was murdered by a gun, a weapon, a ruthless maniac. He didn't get it.
"RAVI FUCKIN GIVE ME THE PILLS!"
"Oh it was Luke wasn't it, come on sarge this isn't right, this isn't what pip would do"
"WELL MAYBE YOU DONT KNOW THE REAL ME!"
I was screeching now, my throat felt dry and empty.
"Why do I even try? YOUR JUST LIKE ANDY!" He screamed back.
Am I? Am I too obsessed? Am I going to end up dead too? Am I really just like Andy bell?
"AND YOUR JUST A TERRIBLE BOYFRIEND, YOUR NEVER THERE WHEN I NEED YOU! WHAT ABOUT STANLEY YOU WERE BREAKING INTO THE SAFETY OF HIS HOUSE WHILE WE WERE ALMOST BURNED ALIVE. AND WHAT ABOUT THIS WHOLE STALKER MESS! I BET YOU DONT EVEN CARE!" I didn't even recognize my own words as I continued to yell straight into Ravi's beautiful face. But I was done, I was so done. My life was turning into a bigger train wreck by the second and Ravi was doing nothing to help me turn it around.
"WELL IF IM SUCH A TERRIBLE BOYFRIEND,' he shouted than hushed down to a scratchy whisper, "than maybe I shouldn't be your boyfriend."
"fine." I spat dryly
"fine." He said as he slammed my door. His words were spoken in the saddest voice I had ever heard escape Ravi Singhs lips, and for the first time ever I realized just how alone I really was.