The beast inside me (KDA x male reader)

Chapter 10

72 hours had passed since that day. No news, no infos, nothing. We were for the time being to lay low and not communicate with each others. Of course this didn't apply to me and the girls, since we lived together. Normal days for Ahri and Kai'sa and Akali, quiet days for me and Eve. There was a feeling, an almost touchable sensation that something was happening right in front of our eyes, yet we were unable to do know or do anything about it. Did we still have a team? Was the fighting going on? If so, where? And by who? Did we have any chance, or did we surrender already, giving up even the remote possibility of a better ending? At first it seemed like everybody forgot about everything, even Eve, but I would later figure out that she was just really good at hiding her true feelings. Right after the battle these questions battled inside my mind, taking my full attention and making it hard for me to concentrate on the normal, daily activities of my life, something even the girls noticed, as I wasn't like Evelynn. My fears and doubts were growing, and I had nobody to share them with except my dear void friend, who, although a good listener, wasn't exactly the therapist type, and excluded the possibility of defeat entirely. Who was blind between the two of us?

Part of this psychological turmoil got better the night Eve finally spoke to me about it. It was late at night, and after a filling dinner, me and her went for a smoke on the balcony, randomly at the same time, as she didn't notice I was there already when she got out. She was a bit astonished at first, maybe even annoyed to find me there, almost as if she was the teacher and I was the dumb student who had to ask the same questions ten times before finally answering. She lit her cig up, and rested both her arms on the railing, leaning on it and using as a support for her body. Before I could even think about my sentence she answered it, turning her head towards me and looking at me with a dead serious expression, which rapidly replaced her fake smile.

Eve: "No, I haven't heard anything yet"

Y/N: "I see..."

I could see the temptation of just giving up the subject entirely, but even her fake emotions couldn't have been held in forever, and she exploded like a bomb.

Eve: "Why do you care anyway? So you can go in and try to die again?"

I was shocked, was this the reason she was in a bad mood? Was she pissed at me? I was dumbfounded and my face showed it perfectly, but she probably took my genuine reaction as an attempt to make a stupid excuse.

Eve: "Oh really you don't know what I'm talking about? Is it because that thing knocked your memory off when it hit you?"

Y/N: "No Eve, the laser didn't do that"

Eve: "Im talking about the fists you got when you were fighting that monster. What did you have in mind? Taking a void beast all by yourself, idiot!"

My astonishment grew even more

Y/N: "How did you-?"

Eve: "Cause I was looking, Y/N, I was looking the whole time, did you forget I can turn invisible too?  Maybe you got that knocked out of your head as well? Fucking idiot..."

Y/N: "Why did you-?"

Eve: "Why didn't I help you? Cuz I was fucking sobbing like a damn baby, panicking, and couldn't manage to come and help you, that's why"

Her voice started getting more emotional, I could see her holding back tears, and soon she couldn't anymore and as she looked at me, the moonlight reflecting on her pupils, they watered easily. She was almost ready to storm away, yet she waited for a few seconds, and my answer came at the last possible moment

Y/N: "Why didn't you tell me?"

At this point she didn't wanna go away anymore, maybe because she didn't want the others to see her like that and ruin their mood, or maybe for no particular reason, yet she stayed, but her sobbing grew in intensity, and she started outright crying.

Eve: "How can I tell you that? How can I tell you that I could've seen you dead, and I feared I almost did? Every hit you took, or dodged, my heart sunk"

Y/N: "Eve why do you feel like this? Come here"

I tried to hug her, but she pushed me away and protected her face with her arms

Eve: "Cause I fucking care about you, stupid! I dragged you into this, I dragged everyone in, and its my responsibility, but of course you don't care if you live or die, you didn't even tell Akali!"

My astonishment almost became frustration at this point, but looking at her like that, and looking back at how I acted, I just felt compassion for her

Y/N: "Eve, no, no, this is all wrong, I was going to tell Akali! When I got hit by that laser, I felt as I was wandering through my mind, and that was the end. Yet I've heard her voice, Akali's voice, and as I followed it, I woke up. I don't rush at the enemy cause I want to die, if I wanted to die I would've given up a long time ago, but I didn't, because in my heart I believed there could be a better future, and now its here, but I have to fight for it, and I will, and if I die, then I wasn't good enough and I didn't deserve it in the first place, and death will be the sole consolation for my disappointment"

Her eyes lit up for a moment, yet she couldn't fully believe this was the truth, and that she had been the one in the wrong. Her pride, mixed with her frustration, were still hopelessly defending something that was already lost, and the rivers of tears flowing down her cheeks were the most prominent indicator of that. She was being broken and rebuilt right in front of my own eyes.

Eve: "B-but then...w-why did you n-never wait for u-us...f-for me?"

Y/N: "Because I didn't wanna live with this same responsibility that is killing you, I didn't wanna risk your lives as well. Eve, look at me..."

She was now basically on the ground, so I crouched down and hold her face in my hands, gently making moving her face to look at me

Y/N: "You don't have to carry this weight alone, you are not alone, let me, and the rest of us help you"

She couldn't even mutter a response, and gave up midway, instead starting to fully cry and hugging me at the same time. I held her close to me, like a precious possession, something I'd never let go, something she probably hadn't felt in a truly long time.

All around us the other girls were watching us, some of them getting emotional as well, while Akali just smiled, being the bad girl she was. After a couple minutes, as Eve managed to pull herself up with my help, me and her noticed the rest of the others, and Eve now became embarrassed, mostly at herself.

Eve: "You s-saw all of this?"

Ahri: "Yup"

Eve: "A-and?"

Akali: "We agree with him, and we will help you through it"

Evelynn started crying all over again, and went on to hug the rest of them. It was a truly emotional night, but an important one, that marked a clear milestone in our collective relationship, a thing that would later be essential in the trials to come. But this wasn't a concern yet, and we managed to spend the rest of our free days in a more relaxed attitude. That little pause from action, that we were all frustrated about in that moment, would become a precious and dear memory in the weeks to come, something that we would miss, and fight for, something that would motivate us, a moment of peace that soon enough was going to be stolen from us and never returned for a long time.

(P.S: shorter chapter this time, trying something new, let me know if you prefer it this way or the other, thanksss)