From Christianity To Spiritual & Poly (ON HOLD)

21

"I Am Grounded. My spirit is grounded deep in the Earth. I am calm, strong, centered and peaceful. I am able to let go of fear and trust, that I am eternally safe. I am worthy of all things beautiful."

-Carly Marie

After talking to the teenager that caused the wreck with my mom, I decided to finally make my way back to my family.

My mind and heart went out to Ashley for some reason. I should be feeling anger due to all the pain and hurt she had caused, but I don't feel any of that. I feel as if she needs me as a support system.

I know my family will have a lot to say, and I'm already preparing myself.

I know how it feels to feel as if I have no one. She literally has no one. Her mind told her to drink and drive, while pregnant, and now she is having to face the consequences.

I feel extremely sorry for her.

"Well look who returned. I figured you ran off again." Nineveh said. "That's something you are really good at."

"Not this time." I smiled. "Maybe next time. I'll keep you posted, since you're in my business."

She always has something to say smart.

Always.

"Nin, stop. This is not the time to be doing all of this bickering back and forth. Stop it right now." Dad pleaded. "Welcome back Judah. We haven't heard an update yet. This waiting process is killing me. I just need and want to know something. I don't know what I'm going to do without my wife. She has to pull through. She has to."

"She will. You just have to trust and believe that God will pull her through. When He does, He will also give you the strength and patience to care for her, while she's healing." I smiled.

"What do you even know about God? Get out of here with that. I am beyond sick of you being in my presence right now. You know nothing about the goodness of God. You have turned your back on Him, on us. You have turned away from Christianity. You should never fix your mouth to even acknowledge God and His mighty works. You just....can you leave? You are not wanted or needed." Nineveh said.

"Nin." Josiah said. "Please stop."

"Please stop." Nehemiah pleaded. "I really don't like this. Every time we are together, you two never get alone. It's annoying."

Nehemiah rarely says anything, however he did this time and it surprised us.

"I'm not stopping. She is not wanted or needed ever. She's a disgrace, and everyone in here knows that. Heck I'm sure she knows that."

I took a deep breath. "You know what? She's right. I'm going to go." I stood up and walked away.

I heard my dad and brother pleading for me to come back. I just closed the waiting room door.

Out of the goodness of my heart, I drove here to be with my family. With the way things have been, I didn't have to come, but I did.

Things haven't changed.

I went back to Ashley's room. A tall beautiful black lady was standing next to her bed.

"Hey, sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to..."

"You must be Judah." The lady smiled.

"Yes I am." I smiled.

"I'm Attorney Rhea Jackson. Your friend Esau contacted me for Ashley here. All expenses are paid and if anything happens, no doubt in my mind that anything could go wrong."

"Oh, thank you so much."

"I must say, it's strange that you want to help Ashley here, while your mom is fighting for her life."

"Sometimes in life family isn't family. You have to love people where they are." I said.

"I understand that."

"Hey Ashley, I'm getting ready to head out. I got a hotel for the week, I'm literally 5 minutes away. Please, if you two need anything or hear anything let me know. Have a great day." I smiled as I walked out of the room.

I'm not sure what I'm doing. I just know I'm surviving. That's about all that I can tell you. I'm surviving.

I contacted Esau for a lawyer that's it. I wanted nothing else to do with him or to say to him right now. I told him everything that was going on. When I was done, he wanted to talk, but I told him now wasn't the time.

Luna is dealing with her mom.

Now I'm dealing with my mom.

I don't have time for the games, manipulations, or to be led on knowing that at the end of the day, I'll be by myself and he will choose to go to Luna first.

I know I want a poly union, however, I don't want to feel as if I'm just an add on or one that's going to be as needed. I don't want to feel like I'm the one that fills the empty void that's been missing. I'm tired of not being chosen. I'm tired of being put last. I'm tired of being hurt. I'm tired of being drained.

I'm just tired.

💫