ruptured heart (Completed)

16//

"Because, in my life, that's what constantly happens, Blaze," I wavered my hands and tears were rolling everywhere.

"Even of the world ends, that's the last thing I'd do," His voice stammers.

"I mean, I wouldn't blame you, cause they are your children, Blaze,"

"....I am not in my usual state to trust anyone,"

"Pearl, but why would you think that? that I'd leave you,"

"I can't Blaze, put myself in your shoes, now, I begin to doubt  everything you said,"

"Pearl you can't be serious! I was waiting for you to tell me, I still wish it was from you," He was broken.

"What if you only liked me cause I carried your babies?" Finally the words were out of my mouth.

"What?"

"....No! It happened two fucking weeks after I said I liked you, Pearlin!"

Everyone was cutting each other's throat when The nurse came in. "Can everyone please get out, The mother has to feed the young ones,"

She just mentally slapped everyone with her hawk eyes.

"If you want, I can let one of you stay,"

"No, thankyou," I said not looking at any of their faces. I wanted them to just leave me and my babies.

After they left, the nurse taught me how to nurse the children. And after they are done, the nurse took them with her to the incubation room. It was agony.

I have never thought this day would turn into one of the disastrous days in my life. But it did.  Cause, like I said before, Pearlin was not supposed to be happy.

Then I looked at the crib my babies were in a minute ago. It gave me hope. Maybe I was supposed to be happy, only with my babies.

-&-

It's been five days since I have known the reason for my existence. Eventhough two of them were nagging me constantly to feed, I felt lively.

I have been cloistered between my room and the nursery, slipping to my room whenever they took a tiny nap.

Yes, they had them at the hospital for three days and we came home yesterday. The doctor said that they are healthy and I just need to give them extra care.

This meant that I never talked to any of them. Even my aunt who continued to come and knock at the door and dialed me zillion times.

Reece was staying at her boyfriend's house, I presumed. Blaze, no words from him either. I can see how my children's fatherhood is gonna be.

"Wahhhhh" I heard the wailing of Weston while I was making a cup of tea for me. I was going to be awake all night. "Mommy's here," I screeched my way back to the nursery when I heard the wail stop. I was mortified. I rushed to the door only to watch aunt Jenny happily hushing him. I watched her from behind for whole two minutes. How she handled him, very caressingly.

God should have shown his mercy on her and showered her with children. I despise him for not doing that to her. She deserved them.

My thought went to how my mom would have reacted to their first wail, to their birth, to their first talks, first walks. I miss her with everything in me. She always loved babies.

Before I could sense, my grief was turned to tears. I found my aunt dropping the Just-slept Weston into his crib and approaching me.

She hugged me tight, like she understood everything I did. Why I didn't tell Blaze, why I was scared.