Redemption

I hate him

"I see... well, the emperor left a few hours ago, although he didn't specify where he was going." Rex said back, still very nicely. He was totally on to me, but I still tried to play it cool. My insides were screaming, my heart had dropped, and I needed to collect myself.

"Oh ok.. when will he return if you don't mind me asking?" I said as calm as I could in contrast to the way I really felt. I wanted to scream, not like I already wasn't on the inside. But I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs so the entire city could hear me. I was furious.

"He didn't say. Is there something wrong m'lady?" He asked and I tried to keep myself collected. I was pretty livid, considering he fucked me and just ran off. Did he seriously think that's just OK?

"Yes. Yes everything is totally fine" I said probably more sarcastically than I intened, all the while my eye was totally twitching. To say the least, I was furious. He nodded his head and I quickly walked off, probably sooner than I should have considering the conversation more than likely wasn't over in his eyes. Straight back to MY room I went to plop onto MY bed.

I hadn't been back in my own room ever since Anakin let me sleep in his, that's the only place I'd been. But now? That was the LAST place I wanted to be, I didn't even want to think about him. I was enraged at the fact he didn't even tell me he was leaving, nor did he give me any context as to why. I know he hated being anywhere but coruscant, the only logical reason he could have left was because of me. Maybe he regretted it, even hated that he did it. I wanted to cry, but not because I was sad or upset, but because I was so overwhelmingly mad. Tears of frustration. And not only with myself, but worse, with him.

After everything that's happened to me in the past month he's just going to leave me behind like this? How could he possibly think this was okay in any dimension? He was so god damn selfish, I hate him more than anything.

No you don't.

~•~•~•~~•~•~•

It had been 4 days since Anakin left, still no where to be seen. I would love to say I spent all this time thinking on it and taking care of myself. You know, the usual self care stuff. Baths, facials, nails, working out etc. Well, just like before, I had decided to drown myself in books, training myself more and more as the days went on. I had actually learned a trick or too during this time, honestly I feel like I should've learned more considering how much time I was putting into it. The force was not an easy concept to understand, it took a lot of thought and effort, but I still did it. Everyday, I was training myself more and more for something extraordinary.I wasn't sure what it was, I just had a feeling.

Force pull was easy, at least on small objects. I was already able to do that before drowning myself in books, but it took a good bit of effort. Now I could do it with ease, not even really having to lift a finger. Force push, that was different. You'd think it would be the same thing right? Clearly not, I still struggled to pull it off.

And through all the countless hours I spent distracting myself, I hated to admit I still felt lonely. Without Anakin here, my world had almost been flipped upside down. I had never felt this way before.

Even when me and Ivan were separated years and years ago, I still got up and went on with my life, even at such a young age. Now of course it affected me, but not the way I was being affected right now. I never would've thought I could even feel this way, but I did.

Despite feeling lonely, I really wasn't. Every night, Rex would come to my room and deliver me dinner. It did seem odd that Rex, a extensively trained soldier, was bringing food to my door? Usually that job was left to the maids of the building. Regardless, I didn't think to hard on it, and enjoyed his company nonetheless, considering he would sit with me while I ate. I actually had a lot of good laughs with him.