Sanctuary Island (ɢxɢ / ɪɴᴛᴇʀꜱᴇx)

06

Medyo hesitant ako. I wanted to say yes pero naalala ko yung sinabi nila Franz at Ginger sakin na tanging invited lang ang pwede makapunta sa Sanctuary Island.

"I would love too, Au. Pero gusto ko munang mapag-isa ngayon. I hope you understand."

Mukhang naintindihan naman ako ni Aurora. "It's alright, mag ingat ka na lang."

"I will." I smiled at her before gazing back my attention to the church's altar.

My goal for today is to spend my remaining time praying before leaving the province. I don't know what awaits for me the moment I will step my foot on Sanctuary Island. Ang hiling ko lang sana ay may Chapel doon na pwede kong tambayan kapag gusto kong magdasal. I think sa lugar na ito ako magkaroon ng peace of mind lalo nasa sunod-sunod na bangungot na nangyayari sakin. I already saw the pictures of the Island. Litrato pa lang ay masasabi kong magiging maganda ang pag-stay ko sa Isla. I'm honestly excited. First ever solo vacation ko ito matapos ang mahabang panahong pananatili sa kumbento at simbahan. I needed a break too.

Nagpaalam na sakin si Sister Aurora para umattend sa bible study nila sa Monasteryo. Ako naman ay pumasok sa simbahan at pumuwesto sa pinakaharapang upoan upang gawin ang daily rosary prayer.

Ako lang mag-isa sa loob ngayon at tanging huni ng mga ibon lang ang maririnig. I silently started my rosary with full concentration.

All the while, focused ako. I'm on my knees, kneeling, but my mind felt like i'm in heaven and the prophets of God were with me, joining me in my prayer and surrendering my soul to the lord almighty.

Nasa pangatlong mesteryo na ako ng Sorrowful Mystery nang makaramdam ako ng presensya sa aking likoran. In just a matter of seconds, nawala nasa isip ko na nasa langit ako. I got distracted, kadiliman na ang pumalit sa maliwanang kong isip. I tried to calm down but the presence behind me was strong, like really strong. Katulad yun sa naramdaman ko 'nong nakaraang linggo. My anxiety triggered.

Nagpatuloy parin ako sa pagrorosaryo ko kahit parang nawawalan nako ng konsentrasyon. Makalipas ang ilang segundo ay tuloyan nakong na side track. This is so weird, I don't easily get distracted whenever i'm in my prayer. I already mastered the art of focus and concentration, anong klaseng kababalaghan na naman ba ito?

Losing my whole focus, lumingon ako sa gilid ko. Shocked filled me upon seeing Saint.

"Hi." bati niya. She was smiling at me.

"Anong ginagawa mo dito?" yun agad tanong ko sa kanya.

"I just dropped by hoping that there will be a mass today. Kaya nandito ako." sagot niya.

"Walang misa tuwing weekdays sa shrine. Tuwing linggo lang. Haven't I told you that yesterday?"

"Oh shoot sorry, I forgot. Naisturbo tuloy kita."

Inalis ko na ang tingin sa kanya at bumalik sa pagrorosaryo.

Lord, i'm sorry. I'll start all over again na lang po. Wika ng isip ko.

Muli akong nag sign of the cross at nagumpisa ulit sa pagrorosaryo. I managed to do that with Saint sitting behind me.

My mind was fracturing into twin minds;
One, determined to finished my rosary with grace and compassion. Two, determined to stay focused even though my whole body is trembling at the fact that Saint is here with me. Naalala ko yung sinabi niya sakin kahapon.

You're giving me a fucking hard on, sister.

I hate how my brain interpreted her words differently. Bakit naman kasi iba ang naisip ko?