Butterfly Effect

18: Italian lesson

Hailee's Pov

"So you called them moms?" Manon asked and I looked at her, lifting my gaze from the English assignment about William Shakespear. My friendship with Manon started because we studied chemistry together, but now we just enjoy spending time together in every circumstance. She was there for me and I was there for her.
"Kinda..." I answered "I mean, I just called Maya mom... Twice. I was just tired and overwhelmed and it slipped from my lips".
"But do you want to keep doing it?" my best friend asked and I nodded, smiling softly. They were my family after all, why did I have to keep pretending that they weren't?
I closed my English notebook and I left it on my desk, moving to my bed. Manon was looking carefully at me, following every single one of my movements.
"What are you doing, Smartass?" she asked "You have homeworks to do, and, as your tutor, I have to help you study...".
I smile at that nickname, happy to have a friend like her in my life.
"I need a break from Shakespear. And I need to talk to you about something. Two things actually" I said and Manon stood up from the chair, sitting next to me on the mattress. It was the first time that we were studying in my room and not at the station, but Carina was off shift that day, so we were at home with her.
"What do you need Hailee?" she asked and I thought for a while about what I wanted to say to her.
"I grew up between foster families and none of them wanted me to call them my parents... And now that I'm here, my moms seem proud to be in my life. They want to be my moms. I don't know, I'm scared to mess everything up" I said in a whisper.
"You won't mess anything up, Lia" she responded and I let a smile spread on my face at the mention of my mom's nickname for me.
"I think that you should start to let yourself live in the present and not in your past... I'm not saying that you have to forget it, because it made you who you are right now, but let them help you and let them take care of your wounds, so they can become scars and they can start to hurt a little bit less".
"Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve to heal... Like, if I let them in, then I'll take them down with me in my dark hole" I said, admitting my worst fear.
"Will Herondale thought that his love was going to kill every person that loved him, and then Tessa and Jem showed him that he was worthy of love, that he could love and be loved by others without ruining them. You are like Will... And Maya and Carina are your found family. Trust the story. Love will always find its way..." my friend said, quoting one of my favorite stories.
"Have you read Shadowhunters?" I asked, losing the point of the conversation.
"Duh. It basically was my personality in middle school, but that is not the point... What I'm trying to say is that you have to live and breathe in the present. I know that your past is a lot darker than what I could ever imagine, but don't get stuck in it. Don't stop in the darkness when the light is just a couple of steps ahead" Manon finished and I leaned my head on her shoulder, enjoying the closeness.
"Thank you Manon... You always know what to say, Smartass..." I said and she laughed. It was one of those wonderful laughs that made everything seem okay.
"It's okay. Whenever you need me, I'll be by your side".
We remained silent for a while, sitting next to each other and feeling the wonderful presence of the other.
"Hailee... What was the other thing that you wanted to talk about?" Manon asked as I was starting to forget the crazy thing that I had in my mind.
"Oh, well... It's something small, but I wanted to audition for the school musical" I said shily.
"Mamma mia? Isn't that your favorite movie?" she asked "Oh my God Hailee, you are going to be amazing in it!".
"I'm scared that I won't be enough..." I started "It's always the same thing all over again. I'm not used to hearing that I can do and be what I want, so the idea of being enough is foreign for me..." I explained and Manon nodded, clearly understanding my feelings.
That's what I loved more about her, that even if she didn't know everything about me, she could understand me and all of my problems.
"I know it's hard to trust yourself when every feeling is so new, but trust me when I say that I believe in you and that maybe that means that you can do it too. Believe in yourself Hailee, you'll be great in everything".
Maybe I was still insecure and scared, maybe I will always be like that, but in the end those words were exactly what I needed.

Carina's Pov

Manon had just left to go home when Hailee came out of her room with a wide smile on her face. Every time that Manon came around, on my daughter's face there was nothing but happiness.
I didn't want to assume anything, because she'd never told us anything about love, but I was pretty good at reading people...
"Hey, did you finish all of your school work?" I asked and she sat at the table, putting a book on the glass table.
"Yeah, I did... Manon is great at helping me. I just need to finish this Shakespear's play for English lit, then I'm done for the day" she answered calmly.
"She's a really good friend, isn't she?" I asked carefully, noticing a hint of hesitation in her beautiful eyes.
"I think I like her... In-in-in more than a f-f-friend way" she stuttered "And... And I don't know what to do, because she's Manon and I'm just... I'm just me". Her rumbling speech made my heart hurt, leaving me with that familiar acid taste of guilt in the back of my throat.
"Bambina, you are a wonderful girl, with a big heart and a beautiful soul... I don't know who is saying anything different to you, but I can assure you that my sweet beautiful girl is more than great" I said, sitting on the chair in front of her.
"So for you it's okay?" she mumbled and I looked at her confused "That... That I like Manon. That I... That I'm not... That I only like girls".
"Sweetheart, I'm married to a woman... I won't love you any less just because you have feelings for other girls. I know how terrible it is to be judged for this all too well" I answered, reaching her hand on the table and squeezing it lightly.
"It was a dumb question...".
"No Bambina, it was a really valid question... Okay? But I have a question too. Is it okay?" I said and she nodded "Did you talk about it with Maya? I'm asking so I know what I can or I cannot say".
"Mom doesn't know... Yet. I was scared to talk with both of you at the same time, so I thought that it would be easier to say it to one of you at a time...Wait, what do you mean with what you can or cannot say?" Hailee seemed relieved but also confused.
"it's your sexuality, it's not my place to talk about it with someone else. Not even to the person that I'm in a relationship with. So I'll wait until it's okay for you..." I explained, knowing how terrible being outed was.
"You can say that to mom, it's okay if she knows... But thank you mama..." she answered and I froze on the spot. Had she just called me mama?
This was just a dream that had become true...
"What?" I asked in a whisper and she looked at me unsure of her words.
"I've called Maya mom a couple of times now, and since it's not a problem for you two, I wanted to start using it... But I thought for a while about a way to call you and I tried to learn it in Italian, so... Mama" Hailee explained and I started to tear up at the fact that my sweet and caring girl had finally called me mamma.
"So can I call you like that... Can I call you mama?" she asked and I nodded, smiling a little.
"What is it?" she questioned, hearing me giggle.
"Nothing Bambina, of course you can call me that. But in Italian It's mamma, with a double m" I answered, getting up from my chair and walking toward my daughter.
She stood up too and she threw herself into my arms, hugging me like her life depended on it, and if I had to be honest, it was like that for me too.
"I love you so much, sweet babygirl, and I'm proud to be your Mamma" I said, still holding her close to my heart that was now beating a little bit stronger and faster.
"I love you too, mamma" she responded and I realized in that moment how big God's gift actually was.
I gave her up for adoption sixteen years ago, because I thought that I could have a child but I couldn't be a mother, and now I was holding my daughter tightly while she was saying that she loved me too.
Still keeping her in my embrace, I decided to send a prayer to God, thanking him for every single step that brought me in that moment.

A.N. Hi guys, hope you like it as much as I do. What do you think about Manon and Lia? Do you like their friendship? Should they have something more?