The Mistake of Non-Existent Love | ✍🏼

19. Ice-Cream Fixes Everything

"Bubby" I whined, as I threw an arm over him, before I was crawling onto his lap, putting my forehead against his chest. "What's up Ells?" he questioned, as he rubbed a finger on my cheek, lulling me even closer to sleep. He almost looked upset because I was troubled with something. How could it be that someone like Rutger is worried about someone like me who just wants to go back to sleep and do it all day long. 

"I wanna sleep" I whined again. I could feel the tears in my eyes as I was trying so hard not to cry. I was tired and just wanted to sleep. It was way too early to be awake to just sit here and wait. "I know, I know" and with that, I was crying again. I hated that I could just cry so quickly like this. I didn't want to make them all feel bad or that they had done something to me, cause they hadn't. 

"Stop crying Ells, it's ok" Rutger tried to help me, but it was no use. I just cried harder, or so it felt that way. I just couldn't get the tears to stop coming. Miles then made his way over, picking me up from behind as he started to rock me and rub my back. "I wanna sleep" I cried, as I sat up, kicking my legs a little. 

I continued to cry, and Miles hand rubbing on my back was not working. I felt like all those others kids I had seen, when they just cried and kicked and screamed. Sometimes, when I saw the way the parents grabbed them or if they screamed a little too loud, I got a little scared. I was scared that my mommy was going to do the same, or worse to my already sore and tired body. 

"Let me sleep!" I almost screamed, as I continued to cry even louder, kicking my legs harder. "Ell, it's ok" Miles muttered, trying to pull me in closer, but I resisted, as I continued to cry. "Ellery" he was sterner this time, but I didn't care. I was so so so tired and I didn't know why. I had a good sleep, or so I thought with little to no nightmares, so I should be better than this. I shouldn't be so angry and upset over Miles not letting me sleep now. 

I didn't understand why I was being like this. I was troubling them. "I want to go to bed" I cried, quieting down from before, as my forehead started to hurt where my eyebrows had pulled together, as I leant my forehead against Miles chest. When Miles made no move, I hiccupped and was about to yell again. "Ellery, don't" he stopped me, and I knew that I had made him angry. 

I really hope that he wasn't angry like mommy was with me. She hurt me when she was angry. She had always called me a brat whenever I acted like this, so I waited for Miles to call me a brat, or one of the boys. I waited and waited, as I continued to cry. But no one said a thing, which shocked me. I deserved to be called a brat for the way I was acting out towards them. 

I deserved to be hurt and called a brat because I was acting spoiled and not like I should. I was complaining, when I should be more than happy with what I had been given. As my tears were coming to an end, I slowed my breathing down, as Miles continued to soothe me with his hand on my back, as I felt the tiredness over take me. I didn't care if I couldn't sleep, because I was too far gone. 

---