Wrong House

8:Oaklynn

        Well now I feel like a bitch. I basically told him that whatever this is can't be more than a fling, and he agreed. That made me think he does this often, or at least that he's fine with it. But from what Ivy told me, I don't think he really is fine with it. If these things mean that much to him, who am I to take it away?

        I have to break this off before shit gets serious, and before it hurts him- or hurts him more than it already will- I can't deal with being the one hurting him. Hopefully breaking it off now will not hurt him as bad.

        "What's going on? You have your thinking face on." Ivy tells me. "Are you thinking about Holland?" She grins, already knowing the answer.

         I meet her eyes, and sigh, "I have to break this off. I can't hurt him, and I'm hoping that if I break it now, it won't hurt him as bad as it might later on," I pause, and she nods, "it's just, I don't know how I can let him down easily." I confess, and she sighs.

         I'm hoping that my confession will have her give me advice on how to let him down easily, but based on her face, that's not the case. "Oaklynn, I see the way you look at him. You feel something for him, and it's deeper than sexual tension. I know there is something you feel, even if it's small," she searches my face, "give him a shot. If he was my type, I would definitely be on the Holland train. He's worth it, and whatever the guys say doesn't matter. We are all grown, we can all take heartbreak, and who knows maybe you two will be forever. Actually you two are forever." She states, and I give her the 'are you serious' look.

         I know that I have an attraction to Holland, that's not news. I know that there could be something if we wanted there to be. And I know that we'd have. What I don't know is that we won't end up wasting each other's time for a few months, or that we won't blow up our relationship, or that we won't blow up others relationships for our own.

        Yes, I know they are irrelevant fears for something that isn't even happening yet. But what if we date for five months, and Holland loses the guys to be with me? What if we date for a few years and then have a big blow out over something small?

        I know fears are normal to have when thinking about a relationship, and I know that none of these things might happen. But if they do, I'll be at blame because I questioned it and did nothing to prevent it from happening. The only preventing I can do is not get into the relationship. But by not doing that means I might miss my future husband because I let fear win.

        Ugh. Why does life have to be so fucking complicated? Why can't there be a simple answer to everything?

        "Enough talk about boys." Ivy says, breaking my pity party. "We need to do something. Something wild, and fun. We should dye our hair!" She exclaims, and I look at her wide-eyed. "Fine, you can help me dye mine." I nod, and she gets up.

        Ivy walks to her closet, and pulls out a bag that holds several different boxes. She dumps them on her bed, and smiles. I take in the colors, and notice there is a darkish teal one. I've always wanted that color in my hair, but I could never find the perfect one. This is the perfect one. "I changed my mind, I want to highlight my hair with this." I say as I pick up the teal. Ivy smirks, and nods.

        "Great! I'm highlighting with these." She holds up a box with dark purple and a midnight blue. "I feel like these would look so hot together." I nod, and she smiles. "I'll do you first since I have to straighten my hair so it's easier to do." She explains, I say okay, and she ushers me to the bathroom. "Sit here, and I'll grab a few towels so we don't fuck up the bathroom too bad," she stops, and looks around, "do you want a different shirt? I have some for dying my hair." I nod, and she leaves the bathroom.