Coming to terms with his sexuality, Theodore Moore is a seventeen year old who is just about getting by. He makes minimum wage and has aspiring, out-of-reach dreams to become a lawyer.
Violent and aggressive, Antony Barbosa is everything wrong with...
“How’s Fernanda?” I asked Antony as we walked through the field at night, my hands stuffed into the pockets of my winter coat. Antony glances at me, his eyebrows furrowed.
“The fuck you asking me for?” He asked, grimacing. I blinked at him.
“Because you’re her brother.” I started, rolling my eyes. “And you live with her.”
“Oh. Well, fuck if I know.” He shrugged his shoulders. “She barely leaves her room these days.” He tells me, and I frown.
“What do you mean? I know it’s half term, but she’s usually out, right?” I asked him, but he only shrugged his shoulders. I frown. I admit, I may have been too consumed by Antony to check up on his sister, but we’re almost always at each other’s house. She hasn’t turned up to mine in a while. It feels like it’s been ages since I last spoke to her. I called her yesterday, but she didn’t answer.
“Forget about her, man. Pretty sure she’s fine.” Antony says, fixing the beanie atop his head. A few strands of his hair stuck out, and I licked my lips, revelling in how attractive his hair is to me. His whole face, in fact. Just… everything about him is so mesmerising. “Why’d you bring me here?” He asked, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his baggy blue jeans.
“I wanted to show you something.” I grinned, grabbing a little piece of the arm of his coat and leading him in a different direction. “I never knew this before, but there’s a canal across this field with a bridge over it.” I tell him, and he chuckles from beside me.
“I had a friend who drowned in that canal, once.” He said, and my eyes widened in shock as my head snapped towards him. He looks at me, shrugging his shoulders. “What? He was, like, eleven, and we were messing about and he fell in. The poor guy couldn’t fucking swim, so he ended up drowning.” He laughs, and my mouth drops open in shock.
“That’s… really tragic. And kinda traumatising.” I tell him, but he only shrugs it off. I glance over at him as he licks his lips, a loose strand of his hair falling onto his forehead. “You didn’t try going in after him?”
“Fuck no.” Antony cackles. “Like hell I was gonna go in after that fucker. He was an idiot anyways, doing stupid shit that he shouldn’t have been doing.” He shook his head, and I raised an eyebrow at him.
“Sounds a bit familiar.” I chuckled, and Antony rolled his eyes, pushing me away lightly. “Come on, Antony, don’t you think that you and this guy are quite similar?” I ask him, a teasing undertone in my voice.
“The difference is that I’m an adult, and he was eleven. Not even a teenager.” Antony tells me, and we finally reach the other side of the field, the bridge in our sights. Antony sniffs and looks up at the sky, glancing at me. His cheeks and the tip of his nose are red from the cold, and I wrapped my coat together around me, zipping it up. “I have a question for you.”
“Hmm?”
“What do you wanna do?” He asked, and my eyebrows furrowed in confusion as I turned my head to look at him. We started to climb the stairs up to the highest part of the bridge. “When you’re older. What do you wanna do?” He asked me, and I smiled to myself, deluding myself into believing that he’s asking me this because he wants to know more about me. That he’s beginning to like me as much as I like him.
“I don’t know.” I sniffle, shrugging my shoulders. “I… I’ve always wanted to be a lawyer, but…” I press my lips together. “That’s never gonna happen, is it?”
“Why not?” Antony asked, just as we reached the top of the bridge. He leans his back on the green edge of the bridge, and I stand opposite him.
“I mean, you said it yourself. We’re fucked living in this shithole.” I tell him, and he nods his head, clearing his throat before turning around and leaning over the rails. I press my lips together and stuff my hands into the pockets of my coat before joining him, standing next to him.
The river underneath ran deep and long. No wonder his eleven-year-old friend had died here. It didn’t seem like too much of a challenge. Now that I think about it, I’m sure there’s been many deaths in this particular area. It’s kind of scary. It’s scary that the government doesn't care that most of the people living in our council estate can barely afford to live in it. We live on the cheaper side of London, but it’s still the worst luck of the draw. The murder and drugs and stealing and stabbings… I’ve witnessed it all.
Some of which, in the hands of the man standing next to me. It never seems to bother him, though.
“I was talking about myself when I said that.” Antony hums, nodding his head as he looks at me. His eyes flicker all across my face, and I find that I can’t look away. “You, Theo… if you want something bad enough, you can have it. The only thing holding you back is yourself.” He tells me, shrugging his shoulders.
“What are you, a scholar?” I chuckle, trying not to focus too much on his words. Being a lawyer means having a degree. Having a degree means going to University. And that is not an option for me, right now. “I can’t be a lawyer. It’s a… pipe dream, anyways.”
“Alright, then. Hold yourself back, Moore. See if I care.” Antony shrugged his shoulders, but I saw the ghost of a smile painting his face. I nudge him away, and he laughs a little, grabbing my neck and rubbing his knuckles into the top of my head. I squirm away from him.
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