Identity Disorder

Sorry

Alan's POV

Even though he was sat right next to me, it didn't feel like Alex was really here. His expression never changed from the blank stare that had been glued to his face for the past 12 hours. Austin's feeble attempt at winning me back had only made me more angry with him. I sighed and sunk deeper into the sofa. How did everything become so complicated?

I know slamming the door on Austin was harsh. I love him too but I can't let myself get hurt anymore. It isn't fair on me. Plus I could feel tears burning the back of my throat and there was no way I was going to cry in front of him.

"I should get going" Alex said, his expression remaining the same.
"Ok. Call me if you need me" I said as I hugged him gently. His face finally showed some sign of emotion but it wasn't good. His eyes were filled with pain as he slumped into me, clearly drained of energy by his emotions. "We'll be ok" I assured him. He gave me an unconvincing smile and turned towards to the door. I wrapped my arms round him from behind and planted a small kiss on his neck.
"Don't do anything stupid" I whispered, squeezing him tighter.
"I'll try not to" he sighed, pulling away from me.

I knew my affection would hurt him but I really care about him and I needed him to know that. He left with a barely visible smile. I walked upstairs and knocked on becky's door. She hadn't left her room all day and I was beginning to worry.
"I don't want to talk" she sniffed. I opened the door slowly and poked my head round it.
"I know you're upset but I think it will help you to talk to someone" I said quietly.
"Im so humiliated" she said, breaking into heavy sobs. I rushed to her side and cradled her. "I can't go back to school. God knows who's seen that video. None of my friends will answer my texts. They're all probably taking the piss out of me"
"Well then you can hang around with me and Alex"I suggested.
"It's not that easy. I'll still see them. Who was here earlier?"
"Austin" I sighed.
"What did he want?"
"To 'apologise'. He told me he loved me so I slammed the door in his face. I'm not letting him hurt me anymore"
Becky snuggled closer to me, looking shocked.
"I wish I could be more like you" she sighed.
"What do you mean?"
"You can move on so easily. You're so strong. Not pathetic like me"
"You're not pathetic, people deal with things in different ways"
"Alan. Phone" mum shouted from downstairs.
"One minute" I hopped off the bed and headed downstairs.

Mum handed me my mobile and I put it to my ear, not looking at who was calling.
"Hello" I answered.
"I don't know what to do. There's blood everywhere" it was hard to understand the voice through his tears but it sounded like a young boy.
"What do you mean. Who is this?" I asked calmly.
"It's Finn. You were the first number on Austin's phone. What do I do?"
For a moment I couldn't remember who Finn was but then I realised it was Austin's brother.
"What's happened? What's wrong with Austin?"
"There's blood everywhere and he's lied on the floor. He won't talk to me. Is he d-dead?"
"Hang on. I'll be there in a minute" I ended the call and pulled on my vans. I sprinted down the street and didn't stop until I reached Austin's house. My heart was racing and not from the exercise. The door was open so I let myself in, my heart in my mouth.
"Finn" I shouted.
"I'm in the bathroom" he sniffed. I ran upstairs and flung the door open.

Austin was slumped over against the bath, surrounded by a pool of blood. Finn was cowering in the corner, shaking.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know what to do" he sobbed.
"Shh it's ok. Go wait outside" I ushered Finn into the corridor then returned to Austin's side. I was surprisingly calm considering the circumstances. I don't know if calm is the right word to describe how I felt. Numb. That was more like it.

I rang an ambulance then began to examine Austin, looking for the source of the bleeding. I grabbed his hands and turned them over, exposing two large gashes down his forearms.
"Oh Austin" I breathed even though he couldn't hear me. Tears trickled down my face and onto his chest.
"I'm so sorry" I whispered, sitting down next to him. I pulled a towel of the radiator and wrapped it round his arms tightly to stop the bleeding. I daren't check for a pulse. If there wasn't one....... It didn't bare thinking about.
"I love you too" I sniffed into his shirt "I really do. I'm so sorry for everything. Please wake up"