Olethros

eighteen - azriel

It's all your fault.
She lays in wait for you.
Ruin her.

I shivered, running my hand through my hair. Those fucking shadows hadn't stopped chanting my deepest desire, one far darker than slitting the throat of a monster. I hadn't been able to get back to Windhaven to feed my bloodlust. The males had been getting the hint of what I'd been doing and had been hiding away. They'd come out soon enough. Their cravings always were overwhelming.

Cassian and Rhysand were walking to the corridor and I felt like I had missed something. Cassian looked back at me.

"Come on, Az. Get changed, we're going to get drunk and fuck something."

He didn't know how much that sentence rattled me, because I had been ready to do that exact thing just days ago. I didn't want to join them, but I needed to distract myself from Freyja. I washed and dressed in black trousers and a buttoned shirt.

Ruin her.
Make her beg.
Worship.

Fuck. I ran my hands over my face as I stared in the mirror. My shadows fed from my worst thoughts. Normally, it was of my insecurities or my bloodlust, but they'd been full of Freyja all week. They'd been worse than they had been in a long while.

Hearing Cass and Rhys walking down the corridor, I shoved away from the vanity and marched out of the door. I met them in the sitting room, where they somehow already had glasses of whiskey in hand.

"Just like old times, let's just go have some drinks and see who's lucky enough to come home with us," Cassian said, dramatically clinking his glass against Rhysand's. It didn't sound appealing, but maybe it was what I needed.

Rhys took Cassian by the arm, winnowing them away. I followed, bringing myself to the street just outside of Rita's. It was nearing dusk, which was always the start of her rush. I followed my brothers through the crowd, slipping between people and cringing when their sweaty arms touched me. I planted myself at the table by the large open doors- a celebration of the newly warming weather.

Rhysand sat beside me, sipping the whiskey he brought while Cassian went to the counter. I rose a brow. "I don't believe you're meant to bring your own drink into a business that sells drinks," I murmured. Rhys shot me a look.

"I'm the Heir, I can bring a whole damned bottle if I please."

So, he's in that mood. I let out a sigh and leaned back in the stuffy chair, resting my arm on the one beside me. I watched the bustling people on the street, straining to keep my mind from wandering to the one forbidden thought.

"Where've you been lately? You've been disappearing a lot," Rhysand asked, making me turn my eyes to him. He sat in the same position at me, his eyes lazily glancing over at a group of females near us.

"Flora. I've been feeling stressed and needed to take it out on someone," I muttered. I hated how easily the lie slipped from my tongue.

"I'm curious about your... tendencies. You come home smelling more like blood than usual. Are you still staying safe?"

My jaw clenched. I hadn't known he's been awake when I return from Windhaven. "Yeah, it's fine. I pay her enough."

Rhysand snorted. "You mean I pay her enough. Tell me, Az. What am I paying for?"

I didn't want to punch Rhysand often, but I was on the verge now. My teeth ground together as I looked to where Cassian stopped to flirt with that same group of females with three tall glasses of amber liquid.

"Do you really need to know that?"

"I'm curious about it. It's interesting to me that after the war, you still get turned on by cutting someone open," he responded, sipping from his whiskey. I leveled a glare on him as he winked at a female and shifted in his seat. He knows the war is a sensitive topic for us all. What he didn't know was that my interest in the blade during sex was not for cutting their skin. It was for cutting mine.

"You don't have to be an ass, Rhys," I snapped. He turned his gaze back to me.

"I'm not. I'm curious about it, Az. I don't get hard from cutting someone open. The mind is interesting, that's all."

"Fuck off, Rhys."

He laughed, shaking his head. "You know I'm not trying to piss you off, I'm just curious about it. I'd never felt that way towards it, and I'm curious how far it goes."

Watch your blood flow.
It's what you deserve.
Ruin her.

My eyes snapped back to Cassian, who now only held one drink with his other hand ghosting over a female's lower back. I needed release. I needed to fucking kill someone.

"No, it's not about cutting them," I spoke through gritted teeth. I knew he was just being an ass about it, but maybe he deserved to feel like an ass. "It's about seeing my blood on them."

Rhys lowered his glass, brows pinched as he stared at me. His eyes flickered to my hands- my gloves- and I knew he understood. His throat bobbed as he turned his eyes back to me.

"Az-."

"No, it's fine. Why should it be a secret? You're paying for it, right? Now, as much as I'd love to listen to Cassian flirt horribly with those females, I have to use your money to go get off on blood," I said, shooting him a smile that surely looked more like a wild animal baring it's teeth. Rhysand gave me one nod as he turned his eyes away.

I shoved my seat back and stood, shoving through people as I made my way back out to the street. I knew I was an ass to him, but he fucking deserved it. His pompous attitude and arrogance irritated me. He didn't use it often, but when he was in a mood, he liked to act high and mighty. We all fought in that fucking war and we all suffer because of it. Unlike Rhysand, though, I was going to pay his sister a visit.

I brought myself to the cabin, not caring to glance around as I forced my way through the door. Freyja was sat at the chaise, a glass of whiskey and a bowl of soup with bread sat on the table. She had a book in her lap, wide blue eyes on me. As soon as I shut the door and she realized who I was, those pretty eyes fell into a glare and she looked back down at her book.

"Don't do that," I snapped. Freyja shot me another glare.

"Do what?"

I groaned as I stepped around the chaise and dropped down, snatching her glass of whiskey. She made a sound of protest, hands shooting out to take it from me, but I finished it off and slammed the glass down.

"Don't fucking glare at me like I'm the last person you want to see. I am the only person who helped you out of that situation. Act like you're at least a little grateful," I spat. Freyja snorted and slammed the book shut.

"You are the last person I want to see! I'm grateful you helped me but should I be grateful that you're just like every other male? Seeing my value on if I'm pure or not? Fuck you!"

It shouldn't have- Gods, it shouldn't have- but hearing such a dirty word come from such a pretty mouth had my blood rushing down. I grinned at her, probably just as feral as I had at Rhysand.

"Let's talk about that, Freyja. Did you want me to fuck you because you're attracted to me, or because you just want to get out of that marriage?"