A life worth living

'Not wanting to be here'

I stood awkwardly in my new bedroom that had been assigned to me. I was on the 4th floor and down the corridor was a mini kitchen and dining room. My bedroom was quite cosy, with beige colored walls and a nice brown rug it reminded me of my bedroom at home. I examined the paintings scattered all over the walls to make the beige color less boring. One painting stood out to me the most, a painting by Leonardo Da Vinci. The detail was wonderful, it was almost as if it was a real photo, all the lines, shading and patterns were perfect and planned out well. I sighed and as I did a strange looking nurse walked into my newly assigned room. Her face looked almost distraught, her eyes barely awake, her skin was paler than the colour of my wall. She could've been a character from American Horror Story! As I cringed inside my head beginning to wonder if this hospital was actually an asylum, her lips began to move, her crackled dried skin on her lips began to crack even more. And the wrinkles around her mouth began to slowly move."I unpack clothes" she began, her voice like a robot, "you... go eat. Down corridor." I made my way quickly out of the door, not wanting to piss off my assigned nurse.

The corridor was as bland as a hospital corridor could be, white walls with the occasional boring "uplifting" photographs and a white tiled floor. I looked down, not wanting to make awkward eye contact with another patient. As I was trying not to look up, I bumped into a warm, tall figure and immediately knew I just embarrassed myself. 10 minutes it had taken me, Olivia you idiot. My cheeks suddenly began to burn a hot red and I knew I had to say something. I looked up, his perfect blue eyes were staring back at me. His eyes were like the ocean, it reminded me of a Bring Me the Horizon lyric, 'I am the ocean, I am the sea, there is a world inside of me'. I quickly smirked and the boy began to look at me confused.

"owh, shit! Sorry" I mumbled, not realizing I had been staring into his eyes for a while now. I couldn't get his perfectness out of my head. The way his face was evenly distributed, his wonderful smell and those eyes. His hair was perfect too, he had deep brown hair, sweeping over his forehead. His hair looked more silky than anything I had seen before. I pondered over the thought of my running my fingers through his hair and lightly kissing his soft lips.

"It's okay" he smirked, "what's your name," he quickly stared at my badge that stated my room number, "room seven?" his light face beamed in front of me, his cute dimples I was beginning to fall for. I couldn't fall for someone, i just couldn't.

"Not wanting to be here" I quickly replied, remembering not to get close to anybody. I couldn't fall for somebody, not here, not now. I quickly moved past him, down to the kitchen.

"Well, hello 'not wanting to be here" the boy called after me, smiling a cheeky smile. I suddenly walked even faster until I reached the end of the dreary corridor.

The kitchen was massive, there were four patients cooking their dinner, all spread out around the place. In the corner, there stood an enormously tall grey fridge, next to that there sat a tiny microwave that looked about 50 years old. By the side of the mini window there was a simple oven and a toaster. There was clutter everywhere, everybody's mess, belongings and mainly of all, food and beverages. In the middle of the whole kitchen, there was an island. At the island there were now four people sat on the bar stools, munching on their freshly cooked food. I stumbled over to the toaster, grabbing a slice of bread and shoving it down the toaster. I patiently waited for my bread to toast. As the toast popped out of the toaster, I quickly buttered it with my Nana's homemade jam, no butter and walked over to the island and sat with the over patients.

"Hey, you must be the new girl " a tall, blonde haired girl spoke to me. She looked around my age, maybe a bit older. Her clothes slung over her tiny frame, it was obvious now why she was here. Her collar bones stuck out like a sore thumb and also her ribs and her thigh bones stuck out through her clothes. I immediately felt sorry for her, whoever she was. She stuck out her hand to me and I gently shook it, not wanting to crush her, she felt so fragile, like a feather. "The name's Ruby but you can call me Rubs if you want." Her light voice projected out. Her voice was so loud considering how tiny and fragile she was. Ruby began to point at the girls, showing me who was who. She pointed at the girl in the corner, she looked sad, I could sense the tragedy in her eyes. Eyes like a car crash, I know I shouldn't look but I can't turn away I sang inside me head. Her long ginger hair was draped down her long spiny back and her face looked as if she hadn't been outside in her whole life. Her face had no evidence of life apart from her eyes occasionally moving.

"That's Annie," Ruby told me, noticing me staring at the girl. "She doesn't speak.." Ruby whispered in me ear "she had a car crash or something which gave her post-traumatic stress" I glanced at the girl, pondering on how sad she must be. Ruby sensed my awkwardness and led me to her room.

"What room did you get assigned?" Ruby asked

"room seven" I stated, my voice beginning to crack.

"Ah, you're next to me! I'm room six and next door to you is Thomas. Be careful of him, he's a total freak. Last year, apparently he tried to fuck his own Mum!" We both cringed and I suddenly didn't want to go to sleep.

"You can sleep with me if you want, you don't want Thomas on your first night. I have tobacco if you're interested..." I felt hopeful at the thought of tobacco, fresh tobacco wrapping around my lungs, suffocating me and giving me cancer.
"Of course!" I squealed, over excitedly "I'd love some smoke, what about the nurses though, mines a total peido" I asked, destroying my own happiness.
"don't worry, I slipped something in their drinks, shush now" we both hurried into her room. Ruby's room was filled with clutter, she had obviously been here for quite some time and her room showed that. The walls were covered in 17 magazine posters like Zac Efron, Channing Tatum and Leonardo Dicaprio. I grinned to myself thinking about how typical teenagers actually existed in rehab. Ruby rattled in her wardrobe, searching for the cigarettes.
"You from around here?" I asked, intrigued about Ruby.
"Na, I'm from the valley's I am" Ruby replied. I tried to memorise the map of the UK but I couldn't remember where the hell 'the valley's' were. Maybe paying attention in Geography classes was a good idea after all. I quickly gave up trying to memorise the map of the UK.
"Where the hell's that?" I asked, embarrassed at how bad my geography skills were.
"It's in Wales, y'know that bit of land up above Cornwall? It's about four hours away from here in London" I listened, amazed at where Ruby had lived before being sent here. She told me about her past, at how the school bullies used to call her fat which made her starve herself. How her boyfriend Nell had cheated on her with a year 9. I was fascinated by her story and for the first time in forever, I felt like I had made a friend at last.