Guardian

Chapter 20

Vervain - one flower

I plucked the flower and set it to the hand. "What are you doing?" Holden asked as I went to the next plant on my list.

"Trying to get my memories back," I replied, plucking a piece of sage off the plant.

"Your memories are gone, Ronnie. They don't exist anymore," he said. I turned to face him.

"Remind me who told you that? Oh, right. The same person who is working for whoever decided to kidnap me in the first place."

"You think my father lied?" he questioned.

"I don't know what to think, Holden!" I yelled, the dam finally breaking and allowing me to tell him everything I had been thinking for weeks. "He was there. Really there, not just around sometimes. I don't remember anyone else's voice other than yours and his. That's suspicious."

"You don't-" I cut him off.

"Lilith said that my memories aren't gone forever. She said they're just locked up in my mind and I have to figure out how to let them out. Your dad lied. He lied to you, and he kidnapped me." The gold hue brightened into a circle on the outsides of my vision. I turned my back, gathering the last few plants I needed for my brew and leaving the room.

"Don't you think you were a little tough on him?" a deep voice asked as I closed the door behind me. I jumped and I felt the heat in the fireplace strengthen.

"How are you here?" I asked, turning around to find Azreal standing in the hallway.

"Lilith is my niece. I'm always welcome at her home," he smirked. "I like the purple." He picked up the ends of my hair and I pulled away from his touch.

"She wouldn't let you in with me here," I responded. "But since you're here, you must want something."

"Smart girl. Aren't you smart enough to realize what I want? What I was willing to kill you for?" I straightened as my brain worked overtime. It had to be a common ground between us and there was only one.

"Holden," I whispered. "You want him away from me."

"See, that's where you're wrong. I don't necessarily want him away from you. I just didn't want him in any kind of long-term romantic relationship. It takes away from what I want for him, especially now that you've awakened."

Heat pulled to my hand before it spread through my body and the gold rimming my vision intensified. "You wield fire. Jezebel was the only other one who did," he said, his eyes darting to my hand.

"I'm sure she didn't do near enough with it," I said through my teeth. "I'll show you what she should've done." The fire spurred in my hand, growing larger.

"Not a word of this to anyone," he commanded.

The door behind me clicked open. I turned my gaze to see Holden and when I looked back to where Azreal stood, the space was empty. "Were you talking to yourself?" Holden asked. I closed my fist to stoke out my fire but didn't say anything. I formed the words a million times in my mind but couldn't force them out of my mouth. "Do you want to go on a ride?" he asked when I never responded.

"No, I think I'm going to go work on this brew," I said, motioning to the plants in my hand.

"After?" he pushed. I shook my head and pushed my fingers through my hair.

"You don't even have a bike here," I said, trying to come up with excuses.

"Actually, I have two. I could teach you if you wanted," he offered up.

"Maybe later," I conceded, leaving the hallway. I went to the kitchen, Holden on my heels, and followed the directions I had scribbled on the paper. When the brew was done, I let it cool before I drank it down. It tasted sweet, like liquid candy. A few minutes later, I didn't feel any different and assumed Lilith was right, but it didn't hurt to try.

"Have either of you seen anything weird today?" Lilith asked, walking into the kitchen with a tablet in her hands. I didn't say anything.

"No, why?" Holden spoke.

"Because your father was here," she responded, holding the tablet out for us to see. It was a video of him entering the house through the front door. She scrolled over and then we saw him leaving again. The time stamp was only a few minutes apart and it was likely the only think he did was talk to me. Not that I could say anything due to his compulsion.

"Ronnie? Did you see him?" Lilith asked. I opened my mouth to lie to cover myself, but his compulsion wasn't forcing me to, so I stopped myself. He only compelled me not to tell, not to lie to keep the secret. "Did he compel you?" she asked. Again, I stayed quiet letting my silence speak what I couldn't.

"We need to know," Holden said. I tried to speak, to tell him that as much as I wanted to talk about it, I couldn't force my mouth to form the words.

I looked to Lilith. "Memories," was the only word I could force from my lips. Lilith nodded and focused on me.

"Let me do it," Holden said.

"No," I replied, looking to him. "Please. Let her do it." He looked into my eyes for a moment.

"Okay," he agreed. Lilith focused on me and a fog eased over my brain. I tried to focus on the memory of the ordeal to make it easier on her but I couldn't pull it to the surface. Lilith grunted in frustration.

"I can't see it if you don't think about it," she said.

"I can't," I said. Those were the only words I could force out. "Compel me?"

She shook her head. "No, it doesn't work that way. Only the angel who compelled you can release you from it," she replied. Her eyes lit up after she spoke. "But my dad was able to undo my compulsion once. Holden might be able to. It could be a blood thing," she thought out loud.

"No," I said. I wanted to scream that he didn't need to hear that conversation but the words refused to form on my lips.

"I'm grown. I think I'll survive. It can't be any worse than what I'm already thinking, anyway," Holden replied. "Tell me what my father said." His voice was thick with compulsion. I don't think I've ever felt the need to tell someone something so badly.

"He said-" My voice was cut off by a scream in my throat. It burned to force this out, but I needed to tell them. "-he has a plan for you-" My head was pounding and my voice kept catching in my throat. I braced my hands against the counter to keep myself up right.

"Ronnie," Holden said, his hands falling on my waist. "You don't-"

"You over road another compulsion. It's not going to feel good. Her body is contradicting itself. Just give her a second," Lilith interrupted him.

I shook my head out. "You loving me gets... it gets in the way of his plan."

That was the last thing I forced out of my mouth before my body collapsed and my vision went dark.