Olethros

twelve - azriel

"Why is your arm cut?" He asked simply. I was almost glad he didn't ask me to try and explain why I attacked Mor.

"I slipped during training this morning," I spoke through gritted teeth. It felt like a confession of my lack of worth. It felt like a failure. Cassian's eyes narrowed. He knew I didn't slip up, he knew something else was on my mind. I couldn't breath with their eyes on me.

"Az-."

"I've got places to be," I interrupted. Mor sighed as I moved to step around Cass, but he, too, muttered my name. I met his gaze with a glare, though it settled as I realized his stare was full of concern. And not for me.

"What?"

"We need to help Rhys. His father spoke to him this morning. Odessa thought that Freyja was locking herself in her room again, but the servants couldn't find her when they went in with hot water. Alcaeus has eyes on Windhaven and the Hewn City, but they're keeping it quiet. We are meant to search Velaris. The wards in the Hewn City, the Moonstone Palace, and Velaris were triggered. She's gone, Az. Rhysand is freaking the fuck out."

I swore my heart was in my ass. How did everything change so quickly? It had been hardly a day. Fuck. I was glad my emotions were so smothered on the surface. I doubted my eye even twitched.

"Do they know how long she's been gone? Had any of the other High Lords mentioned a guest in their courts?"

I hoped my questions would steer them out of the Night Court; make them assume Freyja fled the court entirely. I'd have to warn her so that she could find another way out.

"No, no word yet. I'm sure Alcaeus thought of that and is sending word out, but for now, we assume she is still in the Night Court. We are all going out to spread across the city in search. If anyone asks what is happening, we are inspecting the city for expansion. Got it?"

I nodded, not bothering to look at either of them as I shoved past and made my way to my bedroom. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Was it even worth it to tell her? Would it only make her panic and put a target on my back? I was already fucked. If Alcaeus got ahold of her, he'd break through her mental barriers without strain.

I ran my hand through my sweaty hair, cringing at the sticky feeling of my blood. Fuck. I couldn't get my clothes off faster. They felt too tight. I hadn't felt like this in- Gods- I didn't even know. It was panic. I couldn't take in my breath deep enough. The House gave me a warmed bath, which I nearly dove into. My eyes stayed open as I scrubbed my skin. I didn't know why. Maybe to see if the panic fled my skin with each drag of the cloth.

I threw the cloth against the wall, tugging at my hair. I didn't know if I was more afraid for myself or Freyja. Honestly, at this point, I didn't care. I'd committed enough wrongs in my life to accept what came for me. I didn't want this to fall onto her. She just wanted freedom. She wanted the ability to choose something for herself. Was there really anything wrong with that?

I crushed myself in the tub, dropping my head beneath the water and scrubbing at my hair. I let my eyes open, burning in the soap and pink-tinted water. Was this suffocating and weighted feeling only for her? Did I even care if I lived or died? Any death Alcaeus would give me would be far more gentle than the pain I'd felt these past years. My lips parted, bloody water rushing in. It tasted of the metallic blood and tangy soap.

And then I screamed. Fuck, I screamed. Bubbles rushed from my lips as my throat burned. Why was it all so wrong? Why did I feel so wrong? I burst through the surface of the sud filled water. I just needed to get to her before anyone else did. I could see the trust in her eyes and for some reason, I couldn't break that. I didn't care if the court blamed me, but I cared if she did. She knew no better than a damned child based on how she was raised. Her trust was a fragile thing and I couldn't break her more than she had been the night before.

I left the tub and dressed myself just as quickly. Before my blade was even strapped to my thigh, I was gone. I stepped into the abandoned apartment, holding my breath when I was met with silence. Maybe I'd been too late. Maybe Cass or Rhys found her. Maybe-

She was on the mattress in the small bedroom, laying on her stomach. Her arm was outstretched, fingers dangerously close to the half-shattered wine bottle. Freyja wore far less than I'd ever seen her in. She slept in only the undergarments I had bought for her the day before.

My throat felt dry as I stepped forward, dropping to one knee. I moved the wine bottle- nearly empty- away from the mattress. She looked far more peaceful than the last time I'd seen her asleep, though her dark brows were still pulled together. Her pink lips were parted with small breaths, freckled nose twitching. I wondered if her dreams were kinder than her reality.

"Freyja," I said softly. My skin itched again. I reached forward, brushing my gloved knuckles over her shoulder. Her face twisted and dipped below her shoulder. I touched her again, saying her name just a little louder. Freyja let out a small sound, and then her eyes peeked at me over her bare shoulder. She jolted, scrambling for the blanket as she shifted away. I was impressed at how alert she was.

"Azriel? What-?"

"They know you're gone. Your father has numbers searching for you in Windhaven and the Hewn City. He trusted us to look for you here, but I don't know if you should stay here any longer."

Her arms went limp, dropping the blanket beneath her chest. I fought to keep my eyes on hers. It was no time to ogle at the High Lord's daughter. I could see the question in her eyes, panic and fear flickering. She brought her hands up to her face.

"Cauldron. Where will we go? Where can we hide?"

We? Did she think I would do more than settle her in Velaris? That already failed.

"I don't know where you could go, but you cannot stay here. Unless you could somehow change your appearance and act as though you live here, you'll need to find somewhere to go."

Freyja's blue eyes dropped to the knife on my thigh. My throat tightened. Would she kill herself now? With my blade? It was a cowardice way out.  I numbly brought my hand down to the hilt. She had made the choice to run off. Yes, I'd assisted, but it was her choice. She needed to deal with the consequences and keep fucking fighting.

"Cut my hair." Her eyes flashed to mine. I sucked in a breath.

"What?"

"Cut my hair. I can't go back. Az, I swear to everything, I cannot go back. He told me that if I ran, I would be hunted and locked away until I was sold. Cut my fucking hair."