LACUNA | YOONMIN

1

The panic I felt the moment I realized I was in love with him made my head spin. I realized that this feeling didn't occur at that moment, in fact, it has always been somewhere in my heart for many years. I relived all the years we lived in that brief moment, like a film strip, over and over again. In that fleeting moment, I tried to remember exactly when I fell in love with him. We've been friends for so long it's almost impossible for me to remember.

Until I remember exactly when I fell in love with him, the party was over, Yoongi Hyung left, and so two years went by.

Every day at the same bus stop, I thought the same things. I was too late for him. If I had told him about my feelings in my first years of college, maybe I could have made him love me too. But I didn't even know that. For the past two years, the possibility of him loving me seemed impossible to me. For him, I was always someone he loved very much, like his brother.

It was difficult to deal with these feelings. It was hard to lose him completely. Therefore, I acted as if everything was normal until he left, but after he left, when he didn't even know about it, I got angry with him. I was angry with him because he had no right to be so untouchable. I was angry that he had to leave when I came to see him as a miracle and realized that my heart would always be incomplete without him.

I came out of my deep thoughts with the notification sound on my phone and replied to Taehyung's message. My eternal friend, Taehyung, who has been by my side all this time and helped me deal with all these feelings.

When I got off the bus, I saw that Taehyung was already waiting for me at the bus stop, and without saying anything, I ran over to him and hugged him tightly. Even though he took a few steps back, he kept his balance and held me tight. Taehyung knew, when I hugged him like that, I was the one who needed to be hugged by someone.
I felt him breathing deeply.

"Today I'm going to hug you tight," he said.

He didn't need to say anything more to me because that meant he understood me best.

While walking from the large garden of the faculty to the cafeteria, I saw how happy all the lovers were sitting in a corner with the freshness of the spring months.

"Jimin-ah! Have you heard from Yoongi Hyung these days?" he asked.

Taehyung knew that the only magic word he had to say to me to give him my full attention was 'Yoongi'.

''It can be said that we don't communicate much these days. I think he is very busy." I replied.

As soon as I saw the empty bench in front of the cafeteria, I quickened my steps and sat down before anyone grabbed the bench. Also, I had the strange feeling that we had been less in touch with Yoongi Hyung lately, and I didn't want to talk much about it.

Taehyung didn't even ask me any more questions anyway. Only a mischievous smile appeared on his lips, and he entered the cafeteria, saying he would buy us both coffees. As he left, I let out an audible gasp and checked my social media account on my phone. It wasn't like I was posting a lot; I was just looking at the photos Yoongi Hyung shared every now and then for hours and pondering what kind of life he was spending there.

"Hi Jimin."

The moment I looked up from my phone, I saw Namjoon Hyung's smiling face.

"Hello hyung."

Namjoon Hyung adjusted his bone-frame glasses with one hand and sat next to me as he always tried to hold the pile of books that didn't fit in his backpack and that he had to carry in his hands. He was doing a master's in psychology, and I was proud of him.

"How have you been since we've seen each other, Jimin-ah?"

This is the question Namjoon Hyung has been asking almost every day for the past two years. Except for Taehyung, no one in the group was aware of my feelings for Yoongi Hyung, but everyone was sure of the emotional change in me over these two years. Still, I couldn't say anything but say I'm fine.