Nothing Left

Chapter 1: A Fake Reality

I could no longer hear myself .... 

           I forgot who I was supposed to be ....

                      I have given in to it .... 

                The darkness deep inside my heart ... 

       Maybe things would have gone in a different path .... 

                  But their death wouldn't have changed .... 

                 My life was a perfect graveyard of buried hopes...

                                                                                            Nothing left... 

         **********************

    I wept on the floor next to the lifeless cold corpse, my tears cascading over the body lying cold on the hospital bed. It was completely covered by a white clean sheet which I gripped with trembling hands.  As I clung to the sheet, my mind replayed memories of laughter and joy shared with the person who now lay motionless before me. The room felt suffocatingly silent, as if even the air mourned their departure.

   "No, Mom please, don't leave me!! I am sorry!", I cried, hiding my face in the white sheet.

    "For God's sake, Hope! Get up and gather your things! We need to leave now ", Jon ordered sternly, heading to the door.

   I couldn't perceive any human feelings within my brother, Jon, at such times, but I believe her death devastated him.

    He approached me and placed his hand on my shoulder, attempting to calm me. However, I couldn't stop crying; the emptiness in my heart could no longer be placed by anything.

    I kept weeping while clutching my mother's hand. This hand would never become warm again. This is heartbreaking; I never imagined I'd lose the most important person to me in this awful world. But who was I kidding; I knew this was going to happen ... If I just knocked on that door ... maybe she wouldn't have died like that ...

    Jon was the only one who remained by my side.

  I gripped Mom's hand tighter and brought it closer to my face. It was chilly, terribly cold, as the memory of her death lingered in my heart. Guilt is going to kill me ... I am the reason for this.

   "Hope...", Jon stated stoically, "You're making it harder for both of us. Come on, get up; the carriage has been waiting for quite a while now."

    I looked up at his emotionless face, it made me feel colder, but if I didn't know him well, I would have said that he didn't love Mom. I am sure he is burning from the inside now. 

   "I ... I can't ... I won't be able to see her again ... to hear her voice ... to feel her warmness ... I don't want to leave her, even if she is dead!", I said between my sobs.

    "Hope!! Get up and follow me, now!! ", Jon yelled firmly. When he saw me not moving, he grabbed my arm and pulled me up from where I was sitting, beside Mom's bed. I pulled my arm away from his grip and got back on my knees beside her bed. 

    He was about to yell at me again, but when he saw the tears trickling from my eyes, he let out a long sigh, then said, "Hope ... although it's difficult to see beyond the sorrow, may looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow ... She is now in a better place, so let her soul rest in peace ... I know grief is itself a medicine, but you should get going ... Mom would feel awful if she saw you like this; so, come on now, let's go home.", he knelt beside me and encircled me with his arms, drawing me closer to his chest.