Finding Myself || Complete

Chapter 49: Letter to him.

"I'm good. Nothing much is going on in my life. I'm trying to improve my marks from last term that's it." says Musa. "Musa don't be so basic." says Mandisa. "Hawu ufuna ukuthi ngithini. Angifani njengani enikhona ukukhuluma nemizwa yenu." He clicks his tongue. (What do you want me to say? I'm not like you that can talk about your feelings.) Well that changed the mood real quick. Phiwokwakhe looks at me to say something and i clear my throat.

"But either than that you okay physically and emotionally?" I ask. "I'm fine. Let's move on to the next person." answers Musa and i sigh. I really wish he was more open with us but I understand why he is reserved. I hope therapy can change him a bit and make him open up a bit more. He doesn't need to suffer alone.

"Ngisharp. I'm dating this girl and i really like her," "The one you always walk with in the morning and afternoon." asks Mandisa and Phiwokwakhe nods. "That girl is a beauty mtasekhaya. I think we might have found a new sister in law who we shall love." I chuckle. "Kunini ngilindile ukukhipha inkomo sizihambise." I say. (I've been waiting to take out the cows.) "Woah it's too soon. We haven't even told each other i love you and you talking about amalobolo." We chuckle.

"If not now when?" I ask. "Later on when I'm working and she's working too and when we actually make it." answers Phiwokwakhe. "Okay sesilindile." He chuckles. (we are waiting.) Mom opens the door and comes in and i roll my eyes and sigh. There goes the fun. "Bana baka." "Ma don't." "Give me a chance to talk."

"The same chance you gave dad." I ask and she sighs. "I wasn't taking him back." says mom. "It doesn't matter. The fact is you brought him here to our home and now I no longer feel safe cause who knows when he might attack us." "Phiwokuhle please calm down." "No ma Phiwokuhle is right. Njalo nje we must forgive you even though you continue to hurt us. When is it going to stop." asks Musa.

"Listen to me I was not taking him back. I was giving him a chance to explain himself and i also got to express how I feel. I don't expect you guys to talk to him and you don't have to prepare yourself to go back to him. We are never doing that again. I have learnt my lesson and i hate seeing you in pain." says mom. "Took you long enough to realise it." I mumble.

"Excuse me?" she asks. "Nothing. It's fine we heard you, you gave dad a chance to explain and we not going back to him end of story." I say. "I'm sorry guys for allowing him inside." "For once in your life keep your apologises to yourself mama." says Phiwokwakhe and he stands up and gets out of the room. Musa follows him and it's the three of us left.

I get up and open the blankets and cover my whole body. "Maybe tomorrow mama." says Mandisa. I hear some shuffling before the door closes. The blankets open and Mandisa gets inside and covers her whole body. "You were supposed to be easy on her." "Not you too Mandisa." I click my tongue and turn to face the other direction.

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I wake up and do my morning routine and wear my uniform. I pack my bag and leave the room and walk to the kitchen. I find mom making breakfast and i greet her and sit on the bar stool. "Phiwokuhle about last night. Me inviting your dad inside the house wasn't me inviting him back into our lives. He is out for good and the only thing that will connect us to him is the money he sends for support that's it. I'm sorry that he invaded our personal space but he wanted to explain his side of the story and i wanted to hear him out because I also had some things to say to him." I sigh.

I just woke up and now we addressing last night's issue. "Okay." I say. I don't want to speak at this point ngoba even if I speak my pleas are falling on to deaf ears and it doesn't matter how this affects me at the end of the day. (because.) "I'm really sorry mtanami." (my child.) "I said okay. Can we just move on." She sighs.