Centre Stage

Caught in a trap...

"Will you marry me, my darling?" The silence surrounded them, crushed her, she couldn't breathe. His face, a picture of happiness, expectation. 

She panicked.

"I-I- don't feel so good... " she genuinely thought she might pass out. She collapsed into the chair, and instantly, Tom was by her side, offering her a drink, holding her tightly.

"Oh darling. You poor thing. I'm sorry, did I surprise you? I just thought it was time. The right time." He tried not to sound too deflated. This was not how he'd imagined it going in any scenario.

She sipped her water and started to feel a little less lightheaded.  Now, the reality began to sink in.  Thank god he'd done it in private. No grand gestures. Not that it made it any easier to say what she was about to.

"Tom, I love you, darling, but..." Before she could anymore, he jumped in.

"You don't want to marry me? Oh Lucy, what did I do? Did I say something? Please love? Tell me? Let me make it right?" He pleaded, his voice barely a whisper.  His face, a picture of despair. 

She shook her head. How could she let him saddle himself with her? He didn't really want to marry her. It was just the circumstances. He had said it himself. She'd expected it from the word go, and now he'd let it go too long. He was trapped, and he couldn't see a way out without ruining everything. 

"Its just not the right time, is it?  You're off to America, I've just found my feet in the industry. I can see myself here. Working here. Learning my craft on a whole new level. I don't want anyone to think I'm trading on your name. I need to establish myself.  You need time to be you again." She smiled sadly and stood. Walking to the window, she turned and sat on the ledge.  "Tom, I don't want to hurt you..." 

He did something he never thought he would ever do.  He shouted at her. Mind numb with shock, heart tearing itself in two. "HURT ME? HURT ME? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK THIS IS DOING TO ME LUCY!"  

"WHAT IM DOING TO YOU?" she shouted back, now on her feet. "TO YOU? WHAT ABOUT ME?  Do I not exist in all this?  I will just be 'Mrs Hiddleston' or ' that woman trading on Tom's name' or God -forbid 'that cow that used to be married to that lovely Tom Hiddleston'.  She knew she was being hysterical, being unreasonable, but somehow, lashing out made it easier.  For about ten seconds.  As the horror of what she'd just said sunk in she sat with a thump and howled. 

Something in her cry, like a wounded animal made Tom stop and sit.  They were achieving nothing, it was simply a war of words.  Useless, horrible, nasty words that neither really meant. He took a breath and sat, head in hands. "I don't believe this." He looked up at her. "This is some sort of joke, right?" His eyes pleaded with her.

"No.  I've never been more serious." she sat, stony-faced and hardly breathing.  This was the hardest, bitterest pill she'd ever had to swallow. She loved him so much she owed it to him to let him go.  "I need you to do you and leave me to do me.  We can still... be friends." she looked at him steadily, giving the performance of her life.  

Tom stared at her as if he was losing his mind. "Who got to you?  Who's making you say this?" he came and pleaded on his knees. "Whoever it is, they have no clue what they're doing to you - me - to US."

"Tom, there is no us.  Not any more.  Perhaps there never was, I don't know." she barely spoke, as if her mind was muttering aloud without her being aware.  Tom continued to kneel before her, his face white, his eyes full of panic.  She was leaving him, his beautiful girl was leaving him.  

Maybe it was the marriage thing.  Maybe that was it.  Too much.  Yes, yes, he would try that.

She sat watching his face as his mind processed things.  Please darling, she thought, please tell me to shut up.  Tell me I'm an idiot.... tell me it's just a misunderstanding.  He opened his mouth and she held her breath.