Family away from family

Chapter 20. Know that I love you

12 august 2021

With the Champions League qualifying rounds around the corner, our pre-season wasn't filled with lots of games. Following our victory over Chelsea, we had a friendly match against Tottenham Hotspur, which we comfortably won 4-0.

Yet, despite the anticipation of the qualifiers, my mind was far from focused. A certain kiss is haunting my dreams. I feel like a traitor whenever I talk to Lucy, like I'm hiding a terrible secret. It is becoming unbearable, and I know I can no longer keep this from her. The truth needs to be told before it consumes me entirely. She deserves to know, even though I fear the consequences.

In the past few days the girls who participated at the Olympics made their return to the club, including my housemate. However, today marked Lucy's last day in London before she departed for her own pre-season training at City.

Beth also hasn't told Daan what had happened. We hadn't intentionally kept it a secret, we simply hadn't found the words to convey our mistake to the ones we loved most yet. Daan and Lucy held a special place in our hearts and the fear of destroying those relationships paralyzes us. While we acknowledge our error, we hope that forgiveness would eventually find its way to us.

For Beth, the situation is even more complicated because Daan is in the midst of moving to Lyon. She will be in a whole other country.

As the day pressed on Lucy is now laying in our bed while I'm packing my bag, because we will be traveling to Moscow in a few days for the qualifiers. In a split second I decide that the time had come to confess to her.

I get up from the floor and position myself at the edge of the bed. "Luce, there is something I need to tell you." I say causing her to look up.

There is concern growing on her face. "You look really serious, what is it?" She asks laying down her Lego book in which she looks for 'Legospiration', as she likes to call it herself.

I meet her gaze, my face filled with a mixture of guilt and regret. "At the party Jordan, Beth and I held, something happened between me and Beth." I take a deep breath before I can continue. "We... we kissed."

Her eyes widen and I can see shock written all over her face. "Y-You and Beth? Kissed?"

I nod, my heart pounding in my chest.. She takes her head in her hands. "Yes, but Lucy, it was a mistake. It shouldn't have happened. I'm so so sorry." I say moving closer to where she is seated.

She seems to be processing this, her lips parting as if she wants to say something, but the words don't come out. I can still see the hurt and confusion in her eyes.

"I love you, Lucy." I continue, my voice filled with sincerity. "And I would never intentionally hurt you. This was a terrible mistake, and I regret it so much." A tear escapes my eyes. I frantically wipe it away. I have no right to cry, I made this mistake I need to deal with it.

She stands up from the bed and walks to the window, as if needing some space to process the revelation. "Alix, how could this happen? I trusted you."

"I wasn't thinking, Luce. It was stupid and impulsive, foolish and I regret it so much. I should have told you sooner, but I didn't know how. I didn't want to lose you."

She rubs her temples, her expression conflicted. "I need time to process this, Liv. I need to figure out how I feel and what all of this means for us."

"I understand." I acknowledge, my heart heavy with the weight of my guilt. "Please know that I'm truly sorry, Luce. I never meant for any of this to happen."

She looks at me, her gaze softening just a little with a hint of understanding in her eyes. "I believe you, Liv. But right now, I need time."

I nod, my own emotions too overwhelming to put into words. "Take all the time you need, Luce. I'll respect whatever decision you make."