Family away from family

Chapter 12. I can't sleep

15-june-2021

Saying goodbye to Lucy was unbelievable hard. She is not even gone a full day and I already miss her. For god sake's she is still in England and it feels like she is on another continent. It's cruel really, I know she is close by but I can't visit her. The only way of communication we have is through our phones. I hate everything about GB camp even more now. How am I going to survive almost two months without hugging, kissing and seeing each other in real life in a time a need all those things the most.

She just texted me they had the first meetings and have a movie night together to bond some more. Like who are they kidding, almost all the players are Lionesses and the others are playing in the WSL. They don't need that kind of bonding or maybe I'm just biased, because instead of facetiming with Lucy and trying to sleep in the bed alone for the first time since my parents died. I'm now needing to do it all alone. I'm never really this clingy, but she is the only steady factor in my life right now and her not being close by is crushing me.

Before I know it it's actual time to go to bed. Something I wasn't looking forward too at all. Being alone in bed, in an empty apartment, all by myself. In case you forgot not only did Lucy went into training camp, Leah also made it to the Olympics.

I lay in bed peacefully, or so I thought. I can't fall asleep. Every time I doze off a little, I wake up franticly. Since the death of my parents I haven't slept in a bed alone. Lucy and Leah took turns keeping my nightmares away.

You can imagine how weird it is to lay in this bed all by myself again. I know I need to get used to it again, but I don't exactly know how to do it and I don't want to bother Lucy during their movie night. She needs to enjoy it over there and not constantly worry about my well-being.

It's 3 am when I get out of bed, put on my joggers and shoes, take the keys from the shelf and make my way to my car. At first, I'm unsure of where I'm going. Knowing everybody is sleeping or in training camp, but at some point, my heart takes me to the only place I know I feel safe. Safe enough to maybe get some sleep. I know I'm told to also use my head again, but I think I can ignore that advise for one extra day, right?

I ring the doorbell, hoping that she will open the door. After ringing the second time I see a light being turned on in one of the bedrooms. Minutes later Beth opens the door with sleep visible in her eyes. "Dude, what the hell are you doing here at 3 am in the morning?!" She says groggy.

"I'm sorry Beth, I couldn't sleep and I thought... well I thought I could stay here but I can leave if you want me to." I say sounding vulnerable playing with my fingers and looking at the ground.

"Oh Liv, no worries come in. We will get some sleep together alright?" She holds open the door for me to walk past her.

She tucks me into her bed and makes sure I'm comfortable, before climbing in herself. I try to close my eyes but it's not enough for me to feel safe enough to sleep. I take Beth her hand in mine and interlock our fingers, having that same calming effect it always has. "You can also lay on me if you want."

She doesn't have to say that twice. I lay my head on her chest and wrap my arm around her waist. "Thank you for being such a good friend, I really appreciate you."

After those words I doze off.

The sunlight shines through the curtains in Beth's room. I feel next to me and notices Beth's already out of bed. With sleep in my eyes I make my way to the bathroom to splash some water over my face. In an attempt to actually wake up.

I make my way over to the living room. I hear Beth talking, it seems she is on the phone with someone.

"Yea she is fine, don't worry. She slept through the night after coming here." She says to the person on the other side.

I walk through the door to make myself known to her. She looks my way and smiles. "She just woke up, I can give her the phone if you want." Beth says nodding and giving me the phone after receiving an answer. "It's Luce." She whispers.

I greedy take over the phone. "I miss you Luce." I say sounding like a child.

LB – I miss you too, Liv. I'm glad you went to Beth, but you know you can always call me right schatje?

AT – I know... I just didn't want to bother you.

LB – You never bother me Liv, you mean everything to me also when it's 3 in the morning. Next time you can't sleep, call me and we will talk while you drive to Beth. Sounds good?

AT – Yea, how is camp?

LB – No fun without you here, Leah also misses you a lot already.

AT – You two are weirdos, if I promise to call you whenever I don't feel good. You need to promise me to enjoy your time there and enjoy it for two because I'm missing out.

"Make that three dude!" Beth yells from the sofa.

AT – You heard her, enjoy for three because we can't.

LB – Alright I will, I love you balls schatje.

AT – I love you too lieverd.