Boyfriends Season 1 | Heartful Academy 2

Chapter 24

Natahimik kami and I saw Christian's looking at me, I don't know what to say but I gonna be honest. "S-She's not my type." Sagot ko at ikina-gulat 'yon ni Ace. "Ano? Eh maganda naman siya, plus matalino pa." He get confused.

Napabuntong hininga ako. "I actually don't base the appearance, it should be the person. A person I want to be with and a person where I can happenings." I said while slowly looking at Christian and we stared at each other.

Hanggang makauwi sa bahay at nanatili sa kwarto ay tinitignan ko pa rin ang palad ko. Hindi ko mapigilang maalala ang magkahawak naming kamay ni Christian.

Ibang-iba ang pakiramdam ko kanina habang hawak-hawak ko ang kamay niya, para bang ayaw ko na siya bitawan.

Nagugulohan ako, hindi ko mapaliwanag ang nararamdaman ko. But how can I explain it when I even don't know why I feel those things.

Habang tumatagal ang pagtitig ko sa palad ko ay parang bumabalik ang lahat sa akin. All from my past coming back to me now. I remember it, everything.

I still remember the night when I got confused at everything. It all started when I was 8 years old. Sitting in the corner watching a movie with my mom and older sister.

While staring at the actors on the screen, I just feel something I can't explain, it just come out of nowhere. The leading man of that movie caught my eye. While staring at him I found him attractive.

"Mom, that man is so handsome..." I even pointed him on screen.

"Same as you my cutie boy." My older sister, Ate Joy said. "But he got pretty eye than mine, he seems attractive than me." I even laughed.

Mama Sol whose right beside me hold my head. "But you're cuter than him." She then ruffled my hair. "Pero ayos 'yan Kit, be kind to all people. Don't bully others just because of their looks. Instead learn to appreciate everyone." I smiled because of what Mama said.

Matapos namin manuod I stayed on my room. I get my laptop and search the actors who played on that movie we watch. After ko malaman ang name ng actor na 'yon ay ini-stalk ko siya, bawat pictures niya tinitigan ko, and mga details inaalam ko.

Ang simpleng paghanga lang nong una ay lalong lumala. I got addicted by his appearance. I printed pictures of him and show everyone that he's my idol.

I have no friends before. I even don't go out and just stayed at home. I socialize sometimes, but I limit myself from everything. Mas gusto ko manatili sa loob ng bahay, uminom ng iced tea, kumain at manuod ng movies.

Every time I watched different movies, nagkakaroon ako ng mga bagong hinahangaan na artistang lalaki. Tulad ni Henry Cavill sa Superman, Robert Pattinson sa Twilight, Tom Cruise sa Mission Impossible, at ilan pang mga Hollywood actors.

Since then I easily got attracted to every guys I meet, especially kapag may kamukha silang artista. A simple appreciation of their looks, kind attitudes lalo na kapag friendly dahil masaya akong magkaroon ng makakausap.

Nong may nakapag-sabi sa 'kin na ang pag appreciate o paghanga sa isang tao ay tulad lang din sa pagkaroon ng crush o love interest, do'n na ako nagugulohan.

Nagugulohan na ako sa sarili ko. Nagugulohan na ako sa pagkatao ko. Nagugulohan na ako kung ano ba ako? Kung normal pa 'tong ginagawa ko? Normal pa ba ang nararamdaman ko? Valid ba ang feelings na 'to?

Nagugulohan ako sa lahat.

But I don't open up to anyone, I don't talk about it and just pretend na that feeling never existed on me, I act normal just like old days. To forget, I also give myself time to socialize.

At young age I joined football, win the competition and become a good friend to every teammates. But never have a crush or interest to anyone, dahil hindi ko din alam kung anong gusto ko.

12 years kong tinago sa lahat. 12 years kong binaniwala ang pakiramdam na 'yon. 12 years kong hindi tinanggap.

But when I meet Christian, everything changed. It's been a long time since I don't appreciate guys. But the way I appreciate Christian, really hits different. Hindi lang dahil sa cute niyang appearance, kundi dahil simpleng siya.

Nong una ko siyang nakilala, ang itim at kalma niyang mga mata ang umagaw sa attention ko. I like how brave he is, while still has a soft side. I like the way he smile. I love how he always makes me laugh. I love the way he care about my feelings.

Parang bumalik ang minsan ko ng naramdaman, a simple appreciation, got attached, and get confused.

Now I got confused especially about my sexuality. Alam ko sa sarili kong lalaki ako, pero parang nahuhulog na ang loob ko kay Christian. Pero hindi ko alam kung ganun din ba ang nararamdaman niya.

Everything gets complicated, so I just closed my eyes at napasandig nalang sa kama. If kaharap ko lang ang younger version ko, napakarami kong gusto sabihin sa kanya.

Kaya dahan-dahan akong tumayo at kinuha sa drawer ko ang lumang album na naglalaman ng mga pictures ko nong bata palang ako.

Bumalik ako sa kama at napabuntong hininga bago ko binuksan ang album. Habang tinitignan ko ngayon ang mga childhood pictures ko ay hindi ko namalayang may nagbabadya ng luha sa mga mata ko.

"S-Sorry...Sorry if I don't care about your feelings, sorry if I kept on forgetting who truly you are..." nakita ko nalang ang mga luha kong pumatak sa album. "But I want you to know that, I was trying, I was now trying to make it right..." sobrang dami ko pang sasabihin pero wala ng tigil sa pagpatak ang mga luha ko, parang sinasaktan ko lang ang sarili ko.

So I closed the album at napahiga nalang sa kama. Napatigil ako sa pagluha nang marinig ang katok mula sa kwarto ko. "Kit, hali ka na, kumain na tayo..." tawag sa 'kin ni Mama.

Inalis ko ang luhang dumapo sa pisngi ko at lumabas ng kwarto. Habang nasa harapan ko si Mama ay tinitignan niya ang mga mata ko na parang inaalam niya kung galing ba ako sa pagluha, pero agad ko na siyang niyakap.

"M-Ma, if may malaman man kayo tungkol sa 'kin, I want you to know that I've been trying, I'm been trying to stop that feeling, I've been trying to hide it...but it just hurts me now..." parang ulan na patuloy pumapatak ang mga luha ko.

Naramdaman kong hinahawakan ni Mama ang likod ko at ramdam ko ang pag-alala niya sa 'kin. "Kit, hindi ko alam anong tinutukoy mo, but I respect your decision if you don't want to talk it right now. And also, I want you to know that, I will try to understand whatever it is." Nang sabihin 'yon ni Mama ay kahit papaano gumaan ang pakiramdam ko.