It Was Always You

Not As Bad As Expected, Until It Was

"How are you?" I asked Adam as he walked in. There was a smile plastered on my face, it took so much effort that my cheeks were starting to hurt. To be quite honest, it was awkward. Really awkward. I wanted to be single and only friends with me, but knowing that he wanted more messed everything up.
"I'm doing okay, thanks. I heard you were in the studio today. How was it?" Of course. If Max knew I was in the studio, the whole world knew, but if I had said to keep it secret it would've been taken to the grave.
"It was great. We recorded two songs. I've been spending tons of time working on my image so I haven't been working on writing any music or producing anything. The only upside is that my sound has really developed which means that so far my songs sound completely different than the ones on my last album. The songs obviously are very raw and we're going to have a lot of touching up to do. What about you?" I rambled on and on and finally stopped when I realized how long I had been talking. I could talk about music for days. I hoped that I could keep the awkwardness at bay, but knowing me that was unlikely and already starting to be proven. I looked up to see the strange face he would be making to make my cheeks turn night red and wanting to crawl into a hole, but there wasn't one. He started to talk and then I expected a sharp response.
"We finished writing all of the music today. Now, I need to just add beats and everything, but they only tunes that are coming to me are much slower than they're supposed to be. The whole album's supposed to be electronic/dance which should be super easy for me because I've been mixing records my whole life, but I've never actually created my own song before so it's seems impossible." I underestimated him. I guess I thought he must have changed drastically in the ten years we'd been apart, but it didn't seem so. He rambled just like I had and didn't make me feel uncomfortable in any way.
"Why don't I come help you in the studio tomorrow? I have nothing to do and maybe I can give you my opinion even though I've never done anything EDM related." What did I just offer to do? Why did I offer to do that? I was making things more uncomfortable by the second. Or was I?
"Thanks so much! I'd love that! It really would help to have someone with so much experience in the industry giving an opinion." He smiled at me and I blushed.
"Just don't give me any credit. I don't want the press getting any ideas." I told him hurriedly. Who knew what the paparazzi would come up with after I worked on his debut album? How was I supposed to have met a person who was just barely famous, almost not even?
"Oh, okay." Adam said. His face fell and he suddenly looked like he had been hit by a truck. There I went and messed everything up.
"The food's finished cooking. Do you want to start eating?" I asked him to break the silence and gawky aura that filled the room.
"Um, sure." I walked into the kitchen and got all of the food and two plates before leading Adam to the dining room. We sat down at the long table in two seats across from each other near the middle. The whole feeling that I got was bad and I hated it. I wanted to be alone. After many bites of steak, the only words escaping his lips were a few words of compliments and thanks until he suddenly got up.
"I'm not very hungry and I'm not feeling very well. I think I'm going to go back to my apartment. Thanks so much for dinner. It was delicious. I'll see you tomorrow I guess." He left the room without saying goodbye and I was letting with enough food to fill about eight people and a hollow put in my stomach. I felt awful for being so mean to Adam, but he needs to learn that this is how the industry works and it's never going to stop working like this. I got up and went to my room, suddenly not feeling hungry anymore either. I got in bed, not even bothering to change into comfier clothes or do the rest of my nighttime routine and just looked up at the ceiling guessing about what tomorrow would bring. I tried to suppress my regret about snapping, but it wasn't working. I just felt so guilty for putting up so many walls to a guy who tried so hard to mend our relationship after ten years apart. But then I started thinking about why I cared. Why did I care about snapping if we weren't even friends? Adam and I were history and always were going to be. No matter what happened I wasn't going to be dating him again anytime soon. I'm going to be single for a while and love on my own and no one was going to stop me. This was my decision. It was only my choice. If I wanted Adam I could have him, after I apologized of course, but that wasn't going to happen. I suddenly started thinking about the lyrics I had written. In Wildest Dreams, it sounding like I still cared about him, but of course I didn't. Thoughts whirred around my brain like a tornado that was only ever going to pick up speed and it never ended. I suddenly felt the urge to see him again and tell him I'm sorry and that I was just trying to protect him. I mean myself. I mean us. I didn't even know. And then I came to a conclusion: no matter how long it had been, how many seas had come between us, how many times I had been short with him, I still was undeniably in love with Adam Richard Wiles.

Hi! I think this took a little longer than I meant it to to upload (does that make sense???). Wattpad kept deleting it over and over and over and over again. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and I'll upload the next one soon! ~Caroline