Hinged, Grown and Sexy

4. Backtrack

But actions.

"That's not a problem," I responded and signaled the bartender for another round for all of us.

"Tierra." She held out her hand for me to shake, which I took.

"Eli."

The handshake gave us both an opportunity to look over each other. Her eyes traveled along my tall, built frame while mine focused on the fullness of her lips and the curves of her body.

A tinge of disappointment settled in me at her lack of reaction from our locked gazes despite the mutual satisfaction hanging between us from finding each other attractive. Still, I ignored it.

So, we went on talking with the occasional comment from her friend. But it was the topic of a first date that was the beginning of the end.

"I expect nothing less than a five star restaurant." Tierra shrugged easily while looking at her fresh manicure.

"That's fair. Are you open to going on a boat or a picnic, too, or you prefer—"

"I'm a six-figure kind of girl. Picnics just aren't going to work. My man has to wine and dine me, which includes paying my rent." She interrupted.

"Um, okay." Wasn't sure where I asked that.

Don't get me wrong, providing has always been in my nature. But I appreciated and desired partnership that went beyond monetary means.

There was something undeniably irresistible about a woman that had her own. Watching a woman in her power was addicting, and it wouldn't bother me that she doesn't need a man.

Nah, there was something much better about being wanted. Having someone create space for you not out of necessity, but because they desired you there.

I'd always been raised to think that a marriage required mutual investment. Not that it would always be equal in its give and take, but I didn't desire a one-sided exchange.

I'd already decided to try and give better than I received. But I still needed to know that I wasn't going to be left out in the cold when I needed it.

So in those ways, Tierra and I differed. It wasn't a bad thing, but I wasn't going to force someone into my way of living just like she wasn't likely to force me into hers.

From my understanding, she wanted a sole provider to complete her dreams of being a stay-at-home wife or mother. While I wanted to swap work stories.

Two paths down a road toward happiness, but they just happened to diverge.

"It was nice talking to you, but I have to go." I stated, offering a handshake again before heading out of the bar for fresh air.

I could hear the beginnings of a protest from Tierra, but before she could say anything, the music and crowd had swallowed me whole. Fortunately, it was only a few steps toward the sanctuary of the night.

Instead of walking straight to my car once I entered the cool breeze, I leaned against the brick wall to think. It didn't even matter that I got the occasional whiff of cigarette smoke from the people a little farther down.

Thousands of things were crossing my mind as I stood there, but the most common thought was: Man, what am I doing?

Everything seems so sure when you're young and invincible. You think it's all so simple that you wish adulthood would come that much quicker.

There were luxuries in it, of course. But there's other costs, too.

Every decision starts to make you wonder if you're going in the right direction, and admitting you might be wrong or need help seems like admitting defeat.

Dreams taking longer than expected or coming true so fast that you don't know what goals to achieve next.

There'll be moments when your house is so quiet, you wonder what you can do to fill it. Eventually, you run out of things your parents never let you do, and you start imagining someone there with you.

"Fuck it." I decided, pulling my phone from my pocket and opening up Hinge.

By whatever stroke of luck or coincidence, a familiar face popped up on my screen right when I was starting to get lost in swiping.

Deep sienna skin framed by tight curls stared back at me with a septum piercing hugging the button nose just above full lips. Full lips I had tasted once, and the years had clouded the memories into a dream.

Seeing Divine again through my phone felt almost wrong as the first time I reconnect with her since college. I always thought it would be in person after coming across social media feeds of quick pictures shared by our mutual friends.

Even more surprising was that this felt equally, or maybe more, significant. I had no way to know how she would react when she came across my page, if she ever did.

But there was a deep curiosity I'd harbored for Divine ever since I saw her at that home basketball game all those years ago. Something about the demand in her tone even when she wasn't ordering you around had hooked me.

So, I'll be damned if I didn't take advantage of how everything was falling into place.

Now, the timing was perfect. The rest is hinged on fate.

What would become of us? Would she run? Would I chase? And why did I need to know if she ever thought of me?