Twice the energy, twice the heart and a legacy of passion that burns like fire

Chapter 3. Breaking point

3 September 2021

Two weeks had passed since we participated in the tournament. We were able to secure a win over the Houston Dash and played another friendly against Rosenborg in Norway, which resulted in another victory.

Throughout these weeks I kept thinking about my conversation with Jenni and I couldn't shake off the thoughts that had taken up a prominent space in my mind. The realisation that my relationship with Jane was crumbling is weighing heavily on my heart.

In the past days I haven't been my chirpy self. I isolated myself from the group and have been keeping my distance from Jane. The mere prospect of facing her was daunting, as I feared my emotions would overcome me. And yes, I see myself as a though person and I normally don't cry much, but the idea of hurting someone I love is making me as soft as butter.

Yet, today, Jane appeared unannounced at our doorstep. Alexia, Mapi and I were busy making dinner when she unexpectedly showed up. Who could blame her? I haven't actively texted her to meet up since we came back from the Norway game.

Unaware of what I was feeling inside, she thought it would have been a fun surprise. And since I kept my two housemates in the dark about my changing feelings they saw it as a very cute surprise and were welcoming her as a girlfriend of theirs.

To say the evening has been eventful is an understatement. I lingered in the background, not fully engaged with their activities or conversations. Occasionally, I would share a kiss or an embrace with Jane when she was seated beside me, but that was about it.

Now we are both laying in my bed. Jane is scrolling through her phone, while I pretended to read a book, my attention consumed by my racing thoughts. I can't keep our relationship going on like this if I'm not happy in it. Jenni's words keep replaying in my head. 'You need to take your own feelings into consideration.'

Not thinking it over I lay down my book and clear my throat. "Uhm Jane, can we talk?" I ask, my voice betraying how nervous I am.

She looks up from her phone, a slight frown appearing on her forehead. "What's on your mind, babe?"

Taking a deep breath, I met Jane's gaze. "I've been doing a lot thinking and I can't ignore what's been going on between us." I choke out, my voice quivering.

Jane's eyebrows furrow, the confusion evident in her expression. "What do you mean?" She says rather harshly.

My throat tightens, I hate everything about this. Can I take back my words and forget I even thought about breaking-up with her? "I... I think we're growing apart, Jane. Our relationship has changed and I can't ignore that anymore." I decide to continue, there is no turning back now.

Jane's eyes search mine, a mixture of surprise and concern in her gaze. "But... but I don't understand. We've been through so much together." A tear escapes her eyes.

Seeing her this vulnerable, tugs at my heartstrings, making me tear up as well. "I know we have, Jane. And I'll always cherish the time we've spent together. But lately, it feels like something's missing. We're not the same people we used to be, and it's affecting us."

"I've noticed you've been distant, but I thought it was just because of the tournament and the long distance the last couple of weeks."

"I've tried to ignore my doubts, but it's not fair to either of us to keep holding onto something that isn't working. I'm not happy in this." My voice is trembling while I point between us.

Jane's expression shifts from confusion to a mix of resignation and sadness. "So, what are you saying, Mae?"

I reach out, finding Jane's hand to hold onto her, our fingers interlock. "I think we need to let each other go, Jane. It's not easy for me to say this, but I think it's what's best for both of us if we break-up."