Twice the energy, twice the heart and a legacy of passion that burns like fire

Chapter 2. Pre-season chaos

13 august 2021

With the team we are participating at the Women's international championship cup, which is being held in Portland. The first match we play is against Lyon. The other game being played is between Portland Thorns and Houston Dash. The winners of both games will be the finalists and the others will play for the third place. It's a tight competition but a fun way to fill in our pre-season.

Sharing a room with Hermoso for the tournament wasn't unusual for me. I'd come to recognize a pattern in my room assignments over the years here at Barca. Perhaps the staff thought pairing me with older teammates would provide some kind of wisdom. They might see them as the wiser girls but they are all as crazy as me, if not crazier.

This time, I wasn't bothered by the age gap between my roommate and me. Although I would love to room with my best friend Mapi one day. But I'm in need of advice and Jenni seems like the right person to offer it.

In our room, as we are resting while scrolling through our phones before the team's matchday walk, I mustered the courage to bring up the subject.

"Jen, can I ask you something?" I inquire, attempting to grab her attention. She responds by humming and setting her phone aside.

"How did you know you were falling out of love with Alexia?" I question, feeling uncertain about whether I truly wanted to hear her answer.

Her curiosity was piqued. "Why is this suddenly on your mind, Mimi?" she asks, using the nickname I'd earned when I first joined the senior team.

I shrug my shoulders, trying to downplay the matter. "Just curious."

"No, no, no there is something behind this question, because you already know everything about our past relationship." Seeing through my facade, Jenni moves to sit beside me on my bed. Which is true I know everything. Alexia is one of my housemates back in Spain, together with Mapi. We talked about their break-up a lot.

She wraps her arm around my shoulder and strokes her hand up and down my left arm. I don't know why but her being there for me, makes me emotional. A tear escapes my eye and I try my very best to hide it, but with no success.

Jenni turns her gaze toward me, taking my hands in hers. "Don't cry, talk to me. What's going on?"

Tears continue to stream down my face as I struggle to contain my emotions. "I think I'm falling out of love with Jane, and it scares me." I admit, my voice cracking.

Jane had been my girlfriend since high school, we are together for around 5 years now. "Tell me why you're feeling this way." Jenni prompt gently, her empathy apparent.

"We're just not the same anymore. If we even manage to spend time together, which is rare, we end up arguing over the tiniest things," I sigh, my distress evident.

"Arguments are part of any relationship, but when they become the norm, something's amiss." Jenni comforts me, her fingers tracing patterns on my hand.

"An-And when I look at her I don't feel that spark anymore, like not even a bit. She feels like a stranger to me. The I love you's, feel empty now." I admit, struggling with the realization.

Jenni maintained her silence for a moment before taking me in a reassuring thigh hug, kissing my head. "Mimi, I believe you need to talk to her about your feelings. It sounds like you're drifting apart, and for your own sake, you might need to let her go."

"But what if I still have some love left for her deep down?" I question, searching her eyes for guidance.

"Even then, love. I know it's a difficult choice, but you need to take your own feelings into consideration as well." Jenni encourages, brushing away my tears.