It was just a normal day. Wake up, eat, work, watch tv, play a video game, sleep. On occasion I make a video for youtube. I have decreased in subscibers over the years I guess they all got old and I'm not good enough for younger viewers anymore.
I thought tomorrow would be a normal day as always but something unusual happened. I bumped into some guy. We ended up falling and hitting the ground. At first I thought he was just some stuipid teenage boy who wasn't paying attention to where he was going cause of a stupid phone. But when I got a better look of him he looked about my age.
He was wearing black skinny jeans and a hoodie. I thought it was strange to wear that type of clothing in the summer but never questioned him. Our hair was almost identical apart from color and direction the fringe is facing. I hadn't talked to anyone my age in a long time so I stuttered an I'm sorry and kept going.
When I got home I did my normal routine. That night thoughts were racing through my head. Who was that guy. We were so identical we could be soulmates. I laughed to myself. Who would love a boring guy like you. That guy he looked kinda sad I wonder why. I tried not to question it anymore but I couldn't fall asleep.
I got up got ready for work but had a strange feeling of discomfort but I had no idea why. I still haven't forgotten that boy with brown hair. It's not normal you're not supposed to remember people who you bumped into on the street. You just say sorry and move on.
You don't think about them the next day you just don't. But everytime I think of his face I can't help but smile. I will try and find him I need to I don't want to have a crush on a boy I barely know. Oh are you just going to search. "Tall male with brown hair and fringe" I would probably end up on some dating site.
I was slightly sad all day and couldn't stop thinking of him but everytime I did I was filled with hapiness and sadness. When walking home I hoped to see him but I didn't. When I arrived home I turned on the tv and removed clothes while I listend to the news.
"College student Daniel Howell commited suicide last night"
The tv caught my intrest when. When I looked up I saw him.
They showed his face.
"Dan i-"
I broke down in tears it all made sense. When I realized why he had on the hoodie I cried harder.
"I COULD HAVE-"
"I COULD HAVE SAVED YOU"
I cried over the boy I had barely met.
"We could have...we could have talked a little if I wasn't so awkward I could have made you feel better I could have... Made you live another day."
With each word I cried harder. The tv continued on with other news. When they played his death again I caught what I couldn't before. His funeral. It's next week.
A week had passed and I showed up a bit late and only a few teenage boys were at his grave.
"Ha another gay gone and done ruining our earth with their filth"
And they kicked his grave repeatedly. I just couldn't belive it. It's not like I was never bullied and never saw it. It was brutal when I was but I haven't seen it in so long I forgot how brutal homophobes were.
"Look it's another gay here to see him"
"Get em"
I understood that phrase immediately. These were my bullies. They even drew me to debate my own life. I ran as far as I could as fast as I could. The boys laughed.
I got away and cried. How could they be so cruel. Whenever I imagined Dan he seemed so happy I guess where he was now it was better than being bullied.
I searched him up.
Dan Howell
Bio
Hi my name is [dan]
Some how you got to this account
So hi...yeah I guess I can express myself here.
Gay
Bullied
Suicidal
0 days clean
Latest post
I think I'm ending it tonight.
Goodbye abusive dad.
Goodbye dead mum.
Goodbye 0 subs.
Goodbye 0 friends.
I had only one good thing happen today. I walked passed amazingphil. He was even cuter in person but he didn't even care enough that I was crying. Or that despite my sweat and the time of year THAT I WAS FUCKING WEARING A HOODIE.
Oh well if he ever cares enough to look me up.
Goodbye Phil Lester.
I put the laptop on my bed next to me. When he said I was cute I blushed but then he said how I didn't care I wasn't mad I cried because he was wrong o so wrong.
3 comments
Ian
Go ahead kill ur self we wont care
Light
Just die no one needs some weak guy like you poisoning our earth
Eren
Hey guys he did it mission accomplish
I felt sick.
Phil
What is wrong with you guys. Because of people like you he killed himself. He could have cured cancer. Or stopped world hunger but just because he likes guys he is ruining the earth. Maybe if you got off your ass and helped a little we might all be happy but nope you have to sit on your computer and kill an innocent guy.
I went through more of his posts while still crying.
June 11th
Wooo happy birthday me.
Some things I'm into
Uh
Pokemon
Music
Black
Tumblr
Anime
Uh
Idk
Who even reads my crap
We had almost everything in common. Almost every post happy or sad there was a comment saying kill yourself.
I cried and cried over Dan Howell the boy I never knew when he was alive. But know all about after he's gone.
Was that crap or am I the spawn of moffat
