Forbidden Lust

16 ❦ pray your sins away

A woman ran to us, excitedly hugging my mom as they talked their way through. Blonde hair and blue eyes she introduced herself to me. "Is this your daughter, she is absolutely beautiful. Long luscious hair my son would adore you." the woman says. "I'm Priscilla Santiago, It's a pleasure to meet you Angelina." she smiles.

I smile, blushing by the compliments "Thank you ma'am. Pleasure to meet you as well."

"Well, we're going in. See you inside Priscilla." my mom grins, sharing words with the woman. I walked with my mom to the entrance of the church. Large and white the walls were filled with stained glass and large statues stood at the sides, decorating the church nicely.

People were already taking their seats and the church slowly filled. The pastor stands on the pulpit and shares beginning prayers "Faithful Father, we begin today by giving you thanks. Your love endures forever, it never fails. Though there are many ways in which we have failed, we have not exceeded the supply of your mercy and grace. We thank you for revealing yourself to us through your word. As we open the Bible today we pray that we would hear your voice. We ask that your Holy Spirit would be at work, opening our ears to hear and our hearts to receive your word. May we be transformed into your likeness. Through Jesus Christ, our Lord, Amen."

I sat on the long pew chairs, my mom sat by my left side and other people from town on the on the right side. The woman next to me was so big and so close onto me that I felt claustrophobic.

Hearing the pastor prayers I stared at the old man devoting his life to a religion. It was beautiful to see, but not what I was used to, not for a long time.

After more prayers and amens. I wandered off to my thoughts for a while. Until my mom shook my arm, getting me to wake up. "This is a church, Angie. Act properly." she harshly whispers. I look back at her with a tired face, so tired I just want to go back to bed and cry myself to sleep. "Sorry." I said quietly.

After service my mom went to go outside with her neighbourhood friends, Priscilla being one of them. I stayed put, on the pew. Staying silent, I looked around, seeing everyone leave after a while.

There was an urge inside of me, I had to confess, confess my sins, let it all out. I walked to the confession booth, sitting down on the wooden chair. I looked inside the holes through the wood, seeing a priest sitting. I started confessing. "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. My last confession was way too long ago. But here I am to confess my sins. I have done bad things. I have fallen in love with a man I shouldn't never have fallen in love with to begin with. And I keep having these thoughts about him, I can't get them out of my head, well I can't get him out of my head any longer. And not too long ago my innocence was taken away from me, not from the man I've fallen in love with, but another. A very bad one. I was too stubborn and too much of a coward to do anything about it but it just happend. I'm so sorry for these and all my sins."

We were on our way home and I watch the roads. My mom was beside me driving the car, listening to a song she loved the most. It was a long day with a lot of prayers and confessions and I'm longing for my bed and soft sheets, to just disappear.

After we got home, I sneaked up to my room. My mom was on the phone with someone and I couldn't care less about it. I washed myself, put on some pajamas and wandered off to dreamland.

Dreamland where all the dreams come true. So I thought nice things happen there. It's where I fall asleep to fantasies like falling in love or being in a famtasy land far away from the real world.
But this time it was not the case. Instead I dreamt off  a really bad man, a man that I despised and absolutely hated the most of all. Mr Graves... he lifted my skirt up, pushing me down onto his body as he let his have his way with me.