I Know We're Not in a Drama

9. One Final Trope

When there was still no response, Wei WuXian bowed down to his self-imposed time constraint. "I see." He blinked a few times to clear up the tears threatening to spill. "I'll be going then? Sorry to have bothered you."

"Do you see?" Lan Zhan's voice was calm. "Wǔ 'èr líng."

Wei Ying wanted to put a hand out on the counter to steady himself. The counter was too far away. Just let me go so I can cry alone, will you? "You know I don't know what you're saying. My Chinese is practically nonexistent." If his tone came out more cross than he intended, he forgave himself.

"Wǔ 'èr líng. Today's date. May 20th. Your grandmother gave you twenty dollars to take your someone special out to a cheap dinner today. Duì ma?" Wei Ying felt his face heat up. Lan Zhan slowly stood up. "Was I supposed to forget this little tradition? Was I not supposed to remember that you're supposed to take your 'girlfriend'," he used finger quotes, "out to a cheap dinner on this Chinese Valentine's Day? And that you're supposed to keep her if she doesn't have a fit?"

"I don't know what you remember." Wei Ying whispered, stepping back as Lan Zhan stepped forward.

"I remember everything about you, Wei Ying." Another pair of steps, one forward, one back. "When it comes to you, my memory is practically eidetic." Another pair of steps; Wei Ying's back hit the wall. "I remember the first time I saw your picture. I remember how I felt when my father announced he'd paid the school to make us roommates, after he promised I could have a room to myself. He thought if we roomed together, some sort of osmosis thing would occur where I suddenly became outgoing and you became less energetic, more focused. I remember the first time I saw you in person, feeling so... overwhelmed at how you were so much more than a still picture could ever capture. I remember being so jealous of your freshmen groupies, how you were surrounded by people who admired you, wanted to be your friend, your lover, and there was no space for me even if I had known how to carve space for myself next to you. I wanted... so much. I wanted to be the only one you studied with, the only one you ate with, the only one you smiled at." Another step. "I remember feeling you snuggling up against me the first time. How difficult it was to not steal my first kiss when I finally had you alone and your inhibitions gone. Drunk and so trusting." Another step. "I wouldn't abuse your trust.... But I wanted...." Another step; there was barely an inch between their bodies. "I remember the exact instant I fell in love with you. We stood in our kitchen together, no idea how to cook, and... it took every bit of willpower to not push you up against the counter and kiss the daylights out of you."

"I had no idea," Wei Ying breathed.

"I know. I felt like a pervert liking a straight boy. And then you told me you almost kissed a boy, and... it was like I was set free. Free to love you as I wanted. Free to flirt with you, to let you know how much you were wanted. Free to entice you to love me back."

"You never said anything."

"What could I say?." Lan WangJi shuffled forward so their chests were just brushing. "There was a line you drew... You would let me get just so far and no further. Every time I approached that imaginary line, you'd retreat, emotionally, sometimes physically, from me. So... I tried to stay on my side of the line."

"There wasn't a line," Wei WuXian protested weakly. "I just didn't think you would ever be interested in me.... You're you, and I'm just me." He sighed, the inhalation pushing their bodies into each other a bit more. "You know I'm an idiot. I can flirt with anything that has a pulse and know, absolutely know, that they have no real interest in me. It's just... flirting."

"Half of the people you flirt with fall a little bit in love with you. You touch their emotions so effortlessly, and so completely." Lan Zhan shuffled back so they weren't touching anymore. Wei Ying keenly felt the loss. "It was so... difficult... trying to show you how much I cared for you while not scaring you away.