I Know We're Not in a Drama

8. Cherry Blossoms at Last

'I'll let you know when I get back' was a lie. Wei WuXian knew it was a lie as soon as it was spoken. He knew it still. And yet... Even as he packed his bags in April... he was still waiting for a phone call, an email, a knock on his door.... Something where Lan WangJi said, 'Hey, let's go celebrate our birthdays together.' Not that Lan WangJi ever said 'hey'....

"XianXian," his mother sighed through the phone. "Are you sure you want to go alone? It's a long drive."

"I'll be fine, Mom," he reassured. "I know how to drive. You know where I'm staying. And besides.... I need this. The last few months?"

His four month review was good. Until Dr. Wen, the younger, mentioned that with only a bachelor's degree, he was limited in promotions and raises whether he stayed at Sang's or he went back to pharmaceuticals. So he'd been asked, very politely, to study for the GREs and apply at least for a Master's program. Sang's would cover tuition for two classes a semester if he worked at least ten hours for them a week. He'd taken the January exam, and applied to a few state schools. His admission letter to his Alma Mater had arrived only a few days ago.

"You should take someone with you. Just to give you time to rest your eyes. Highway driving causes road blindness and eye strain and..."

"Mom, I'll be fine," he restated. "There are plenty of rest stops along the way, and exits off the highway. I won't drive for ten hours straight. And I want to go alone." No, he didn't. He wanted to go with someone. But that someone was no longer an option.

Driving down to Washington, DC was never going to be fun. Traffic on the highways was a mess near cities and obnoxious everywhere else. "I should have flown," he muttered as he maneuvered around yet another fender bender. Parking in DC was an absolute nightmare.

But the headaches of highway traffic were all worth it. Wei WuXian breathed in the sweet air and felt his entire body relax as it hadn't in over a year. It was snowing. Beautiful, beautiful, snow made of blush-pink cherry blossom petals. They covered the ground, scented the air, soothed his soul. He found an empty spot near one of the trees, and laid down, enjoying the way the sky appeared through the lacy branches. Enjoyed the occasional petal brushing across his face or hair. Let the crowd's noise wash over him, a cacophony of voices blending into a strangely harmonious symphony.

Jealousy was... holding him in its cold embrace. He wanted, oh how he wanted.... He didn't want to be here alone; he wanted to be here with friends or a lover. Someone to experience this 'snowfall' with. He didn't begrudge those strangers for having what he lacked; it was a gnawing ache, nonetheless.

Children laughing. People passing. Meeting smile after smile. Not that he was really looking at anyone. He was halfway asleep, nearly meditative, drifting in and out of awareness.... Soothing, peaceful, serenity. Shoving jealousy aside.

He'd know that voice anywhere. He peeked sideways to see an Asian family/group walking. Three elders, probably grandparents, a woman pushing an empty stroller, two men, and a child. The child was holding onto the men for dear life, it seemed, playing some sort of swinging game. Lan WangJi held the tot's left hand firmly as the kid picked up his feet to swing by his arms. It was apparently a fun game as all three were smiling happily. Well, Lan Zhan wasn't smiling, but he was making his happy face.

Wei WuXian forced his own face to look back into the tree's canopy. Lan Zhan's here. Jealousy, anger, frustration, hurt, want, need, loneliness... crashed into him, a physical pain. That's supposed to be me. They never promised to see the cherry blossoms together, but somehow he'd just thought.... Me and Lan Zhan. This trip was supposed to be for us. He listened to them pass, waited until they were out of earshot before he attempted to follow them with his eyes. Then they were gone, disappearing into the crowds. Relief was as palpable as the anger had been. I saw him. And didn't yell. Or blame him. Or cry. They hadn't seen each other, not even passing in the complex's lobby or parking lot, since the winter's solstice. He hadn't actually been sure how he'd react when they finally did meet again. Proud of myself for nearly being an adult about it.