Chaotic // Kian Lawley

Chapter 24

KIAN -

"That's your third time eating your medication within an hour Kian, what are you doing?"

I looked up at Ricky, laughing at him.

"I'm going to overdose what the fück do you think I'm doing?"

His eyes tightened in concern and he looked away from my eyes, too scared to accept the state that I am in.
I thought I was going to be okay when I found out that she would be treated and she'll be happy again but it's the complete opposite now, she's better and I'm getting weaker?

How was I going to comfort her if she's feeling down again when I'm like this? How am I going to love her when I can't feel? How am I going to show her how I feel about her?

"Kian you shouldn't be joking about that, people do that and they suffer."

I scoffed , as if you would know how it feels to suffer Ricky. If only you knew how it felt to see the girl you love, in such a state that you yourself and specialists can't handle what more can SHE herself do?

"sorry lol"

He shrugged and grabbed the ziplock bag filled with medications before heading off upstairs. His probably going to hide it in his drawer below his bed, oh Ricky.

I rubbed my eyes and went to light up my stick before Connor's voice knock me out of my trance.

"She might be getting discharged today you know?"

"You say that every single week"

"Ashton said she's so much more better now"

"and how would he know?"

"He visited her the other day because she had a panic attack and passed out"

"What?" I exclaimed, my eyes shooting to Connor's.

"he was contacted by her ex boyfriend, Ethan"

"you're fucking with me, aren't you?" I growled, my heart burning.

"We both know Ethan was a good guy and he broke it off because of the risk of trouble she would get into. You know that Kian! You know! You didn't give a shit about her back then so why does it matter now huh!?"

It felt as if my heart was being stabbed with pins and it hurt way too much. Connor was right and I didn't know how to fight back.

"If you were the old Kian now, you yourself should know that you have to change who you are to be a better person, I'm not sure she's going to be into a guy who feeds off pity and doesn't do shit to solve his problems."

Therapy changed Connor. ( this is so funny I choked on my noodle )

"whose picking her up?" I changed the subject, looking down.

"Ethan"

"That's ridiculous!" my eyes bulge out.

"Her mum wants him to, she wants him to help her remember"

"He broke her and she wants him to help her? Are you kidding me? I can do that"

"And you didn't break her ever? Can you? Can you really do it Kian?"

"I-I think so"

"you think, well too bad , Ethan knows"

"Why are you saying these things to me?"

"because if you really want her, you'd make the effort to fight for her dumbass, isn't that what you said back then? you'd fight for your best friend" Connor scoffed.

I looked down at my chewed nails.

"I'm the one whose going through therapy here and my therapist told me you have a choice to be sad or to be happy, so don't force yourself to be in this state, you can change that."

"I just don't know how to"

"trust me, you'll know, if I and her can get better and everyone else, you can too. I'm sorry but I gotta push you"

I only nodded my head and excused myself from the living room and head downtown to treat myself with some frozen yogurt and possibly get a new haircut just to feel a change in myself.

"Are you ready?"

"fuck it, whatever happens, happens"

Those were the last words before Kian's hair died and gave birth to his new almost bald hair.

I looked up at the mirror and my mouth formed itself into an O because holy shit I looked so different but I did look sick and I need to get back on track.

Hopefully I'll be a better and happier Kian soon enough.

AN : KIAN MY BABY LOOKS SO HOT WITH THAT HAIRCUT I ALMOST CRIED. BUT SHITTY CHAPTER AND IM SORRY FOR THE LATE CHAPTER BECAUSE IM SO BORED WITH WRITING BUT HAVE A NICE DAY AND IM SORRY.