The Fire Seer

4 - Forgiveness is Sin

I went still. "With... with all due respect, to the Elders," I started, "His reasons for this treatment are deeply rooted in history. You know this as well as I."

"It is no excuse now," Elder Simone said succinctly. "You have been chosen for this. That alone warrants forgiveness."

"Forgiveness?" I scowled. "He won't forgive me. It isn't that simple."

"It has to be," Simone said. Her dark eyes seemed to have shadows cast on them. The grey of her curls fell around her chestnut skin. Her grip tightened on her cane. "It has to be."

"We plan to announce your position publicly at the Winter Solstice Ball," Maurice said then, his gruff, disgruntled voice carrying across the space. "You will be the official Seer of Ilya come Christmas. Your duties will begin as well."

"What duties are those?" I asked.

"Oracles," Elder Kent spoke where he lounged on the couch, where I figured he had been more involved in the television than the conversation at hand. My jaw went slack. They wanted me to harness this power... for their benefit. That's why I was here. It wasn't some great honor of Ilya that motivated them, purely the greed of desiring what it would mean for Ironfang. I stood. "Thank you for your time, Elders," I said, but I felt dizzy. Sam placed a hand on my shoulder to steady me as if understanding the weight of their words on me. I gritted my teeth, "But I have no intention of aiding the future of the pack that seeks forgiveness for what I've done purely because of who I have become."

"Davina, we did not mean it that way," Simone said, gripping the hilt of her staff. "We meant only that to use your gifts would be a great service, and that you have been given this path for a reason."

"You want to know the reason?" I shouted, looking across at all seven of them. "You want to know what Ilya gave this to me for? As an apology! For looking away for so long! This was no forgiveness on her part. It was forgiveness on my end! She wanted to show her regret, her desire to make right the wrongs of years of my unjust persecution, and to give a gift to satisfy her own guilt!" The rage bubbled through me like wildfires, spilling out through the cracks in my reasoning. These old fools didn't want to see me forgiven because they meant it. "And I have! I have forgiven her, not for what her gifts got me, but for understanding what a mistake can lead to, for understanding that her complacency was not ill-intended, and for the fact that she made me feel safe for the first time in years. I felt her touch and sensed a peace I have not known since my mother's arms, a consideration I have not known through all the senseless time as a prisoner in that pack house! You don't want to forgive me because you believe it was wrong. You want me to forgive you! And I refuse!"

"That is enough!" Gertrude shrilled. I looked to her, fire in my eyes. "No, I make the rules here, Elder Gertrude. I make the rules. I'd say this is perfectly within my right. You know what Ilya says? You made a mistake in harming me, and now, I have the power to see you undone or the power to lift you up. Which you choose to do will be decided on whether you can actually look into your hearts and find the compassion to forgive the child in me who made a mistake, even knowing you will never erase the anguish that I have known these six long years!" I spread my arms, laughing. "What will it be, you miserable excuses? Will you see Ironfang burn, or will you give me a proper apology?"

Simone stood, rage flaring in those milky white eyes as she gripped the head of her cane so tense I thought her bones would snap around it. "Davina Laverne," She said icily, a power in her small frame echoing around the chamber of the room enough to quiet the anger of the Elders. The silence stretched as she searched for words.

"You are correct."

My eyes widened, not expecting it, blown back by the suddenness of it. Sam still had a hand on me, and it tightened. I leaned against the support a little more. "We have been fools to look away from Elijah's behavior of you. After your imprisonment, he put out a gag order on everything relating to you," She explained. This was the first I heard of it. "He refused to see reason. Protests went out around the pack to your confinement, but Elijah punished all who disobeyed. In total, six families departed from Ironfang due to this. The rest stayed and submitted." I sat down, feeling faint. My face drained of color, and my eyes could only find the floor to gape into. "So, yes, we ignored you. We moved on from it and tried to reason with it. Most hated you. Some of us did, too. We lost our alpha, our luna, our beta, and our beta luna. We lost dozens more. Hating you wasn't so hard to do, despite the morality of it. So yes, we abandoned you. And now, we are asking for your forgiveness."

They wanted me to forgive them. This was never about my sins. It was about theirs. Their pride couldn't bring them to say it out loud. I clenched my jaw, my hands balling into fists. "You're all cowards," I hissed. "Spineless, power-hungry cowards who abandoned me out of fear. Do what you wish. See me forgiven by Elijah if you must. But know that I will never, ever forgive you for what you've done." I looked up at Simone, and I saw a wavering determination. The others whispered about my eyes. I suspected they glowed gold in fury right then.

"One day, I hope you find it in your cowardly hearts to realize what I actually went through, and that, while you looked away, a child was suffering the hands of the cruelty of your alpha. You will not find forgiveness in me. Save that for your creator, and pray Ilya is kinder than I."

I stood, beckoning Sam to follow as we walked from the room. Shouts of summons came from the room, but when I looked back, all I found were Simone's eyes on me, impossibly sad. I turned away, walking from the house, away from the begging eyes of souls tortured by their own guilt. When we were in the car, a dark, guttural laugh reverberated in me. Forgiveness. What fools. I would leave soon, and I took such pleasure knowing that their forgiveness would never be at hand.

I would leave soon.

My heart ached. I did not know why.