Shared Secrets (abandoned)

chapter nine • three plus signs

"Oh." He responds, a shocked look on his face.

"Yeah, oh." Another bout of tears runs down my face and I feel like I would fall to the ground if Jackson's hands weren't holding onto my arms.

Reluctant because of my current state Jackson brings me closer, tucking his arms around me and pulling me into his chest, "It's ok, I'll go and get your stuff and a pizza and be back before you know it."

"No pizza," I respond muffled against his coat, the scent of him invading my senses and making me feel a little comfort in this crazy moment, "just the thought of the smell of pizza is making me feel nauseous right now."

"Ok," he chuckles, "just a...test and as much chocolate as I can get at CVS."

"Thank you." I manage to squeak out, uncurling myself from his embrace and wiping more tears with the sleeve of my sweatshirt.

He drops his backpack off before leaving right out the door and I finally fall to the ground, letting reality fully take over. I could be pregnant. Hell, I'm probably pregnant. I'm an 18-year-old freshman in college who's probably pregnant. What am I going to fucking do?

I think about calling Ivy, really needing her optimism right now but then I remember the only person I've had sex with since spring break was Jackson. Jackson is the father to this maybe-there baby and I haven't even told Ivy that I had sex with him. I can't start that conversation with the fact that I'm pregnant and that, "Oh, by the way! It's your brother's baby and we had sex on your birthday!"

Fuck, Jackson is the father... and he just went to go buy me pregnancy tests without knowing that. He needs to know.

Almost as fast as he let, Jackson is back with multiple boxes of pregnancy tests and a bunch of different candy bars. He empties the bag on my desk a shy look on his face.

"I didnt know which kind of chocolate you wanted so I got a bunch of them." He says nervously.

"Thank you," I respond awkwardly, picking up three of the boxes of tests, "I'm just gonna uh, head to the bathroom."

"Yeah, yeah, of course, I'll be here if you need me." He says, letting out a loud breath and sitting on his bed.

I slide my slippers on and take shaky steps to the bathroom walking into a stall and giving myself a grounding breath. Opening all the boxes I throw two of them away and keep the third one, using all the tests and then putting them back into the box without looking at them. I wash my hands with a solemn look on my face as I look in the mirror, trying not to let any more tears fall.

Walking back to the room I tell myself that it's all over now, I can't do anything to change it and I need to accept the circumstances of my life.

Jackson's head perks up when I open the door and I shake the box of tests, setting them down on my desk and picking up three chocolate bars, passing one to Jackson while I take two for myself. I jump up on my bed and take a bite, seeing Jackson's unnerving stare in my direction.

"I hate to ask this," he says after a few moments of silence, "but do you know who the father is?"

I gulp, rolling my lips.

"Uhm, actually. You're the father."

"But we used a condom." He responds automatically.

"Well considering you're the only person I've had sex with since April, either it's yours or the next coming of Jesus that I'm pregnant with." I reply snarkily, my emotions still on high alert.

He holds his hands up in surrender, "Sorry I didn't mean it like that, let me just..." He pauses right there, "I'm trying to wrap my head around this."

"I understand."