𝐂œ𝐮𝐫𝐬 𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐬é𝐬 [Percy Jackson]

159

Percy's eyes darted across the room, refusing to settle. His shoulders heaved and Hadrian could hear his voice get panicked, his heartbeat fluttered at the base of his throat.

"If you think you've been turned into a montser, then so have I"

"You- you can't say that, you're not"

Percy swallowed thickly. Hadrian could see his eyes starting to get bloodshot, the way they seemed unfocused, the way he was hyperventilating.

And Oh no. Hadrian knew what was happening before Percy. He'd seen this so many times, even experienced it himself. He grabbed his shoulders, "Look at me, Percy, look at me"

Percy didn't. Hadrian could feel him moving away, leaning back, dizzily.

"I- I don't know what's happening-" He choked out. "I can't- My chest-"

"Its okay" Hadrian didn't know whether he should touch Percy or not, it could go either way, some people preferred to be pulled closer, to be wrapped in a hug, to feel protected, while others preferred to be left alone to calm down. "Percy, you're having an anxiety attack. Do you want me to back up?"

"No" Percy said quickly, "No, please don't- just- Can you hold me?"

So Hadrian did. He coaxed Percy under the covers, always leaving a hand on him because if he pulled away for even a second, Percy let out a soft gasp and Hadrian's heart just clenched. Holding himself together was hard enough, but for Percy? He'd do it in a heartbeat.

Hadrian hated watching him like this- suffering. If there was a god of suffering, he would personally charmspeak them so they stayed the hell away from his Percy.

With trembling fingers, Percy accepted the help. He hated feeling like this- so completely useless and vulnerable. He wasn't a goddamn kid anymore, he was supposed to be a hero, someone who took care of others.

But Hadrian didn't look at him with sympathy, he just carried on as if it was completely normal for Percy to need the help, as if there was nothing wrong with Percy at the moment.

His chest- there was definitely something wrong with his chest. 

Percy couldn't fucking breathe and it felt so much like drowning in the nymphaeum, like he was helpless, just watching his friends die. He felt like he was stuck in a nightmare, on repeat- feeling his body disintegrate like all the monsters he'd killed.

Maybe he really should have just closed his eyes and given into the darkness when Polybotes had tried to poison him. Maybe he shouldn't even be here anymore. How much longer until he turned evil? Until he turned into exactly those monsters they swore were the enemy?

He still couldn't breathe, much less form a coherent thought. But he trusted Hadrian, so he let himself get pushed into bed, watched as Hadrian took off his shirt and joined him under the sheets.

"C'mere" He said, and Percy complied. Hadrian was warm, like being wrapped in a weight blanket with arms, he felt safe and secure. Like Damasen's hut in the middle of Tartarus. How could he be so strong after all they had done? Percy was supposed to be the strong one, he should have been the one offering comfort, not needing it, "Percy, I know it's hard right now, but I need you to breathe"

Percy gasped and choked but he couldn't do it, "I can't- love, I can't-"

"It's okay" Hadrian wrapped his arms around Percy's waist, pulling him closer and closer until Percy buried his face in the crook of his neck. "It's okay, baby. It's okay. It happens all the time, nothing to be ashamed of. I know it feels really scary. Can you name five things you can see? It's supposed to help you calm down"