Unkept Promises

Dr. Godbole's session - Part II

I saw Dr. Godbole scribbling some words. When she had been done with that, she turned towards Avi.

"Avantika, is there anything you wish to add concerning the discussion we have had so far, or maybe anything else?"

Avi shook her head.

"Doctor, I do not know if am allowed to determine the length of the session, but if I am, I want to sincerely request you - can we please be done for today. I, its just that, I had barely been keeping all of that pain and the resultant bitterness at bay, but its resurfacing and I won't be able to make much of the session for today after this point."

"Abhiram?"

"As she says doctor. Can we please continue in the next week?"

"Sure. I do not want to burden you guys. Its tough - sitting in these sessions and doing the emotions thing.", she smiled.

"Avantika, do not keep those bitter emotions at bay - they do more harm. If you keep bottling up, things will only worsen, I hope you understand that."

Avi briefly nodded. It seemed that she wanted to escape from here as soon as she could.

"I have some sort of a homework for you guys. Avantika, you will not be bottling up any negative emotions, speak them out, scream and shout if you want, but do not bottle them up. And Abhiram, respond to her - however you can. Also, you too do not bottle up any emotions. See guys, spew as much bitterness as you have withheld within you. The more you do so, the easier it would be for us to cast aside the pain and hurt you have felt. From what you have told me, remember the past you, and how you used to communicate. Do so - yet again, hmm?"

We nodded in unison.

"Alright, see you next week."

We exited her clinic. She had a soft smile on her face, while Avi had a distant look. I do not know what look I had on my face, but from within, I was drowning in guilt and pain, as I deserved.

It had been more than fifteen minutes or so that we had been sat in the car on our way home, and Avi hadn't yet uttered even a single word. Leave alone some words, she hadn't even spared me a glance yet, and as some more time passed, I was getting increasingly worried, until I heard a tiny sniffle.

It was almost inaudible initially, but then it progressed into a series of constant sniffles, tiny sobs. I glanced at Avi to see her faint reflection in the passenger side glass - her face contorted by wrinkles of misery.

I immediately pressed on the brakes and pulled over the car.

"Avi, love, what happened?"

Her sobs further progressed into heavy cries and I saw my love collapsing into the throes of melancholy yet again. Because of me. All because of my doing.

"Love please don't cry, please, come here.", I reached out for her, for wanting to grab her into my arms, onto my lap.

She brushed away my arm, and when I went to hold onto her yet again, she jerked it away angrily and turned to glare at me.

"You have the audacity to tell that to me Abhiram.", her voice was hoarse and she struggled with her words, yet she said that statement firmly and I flinched at its intensity.

She still sobbed bitterly.

"How difficult it had been to keep those words of yours away from me, away from the confines of my immediate thoughts, and today, once again I feel that pain, that hurt."

She kept her palms on her cheeks as I felt warm tears filling my eyes, my vision blurring.

"You told me you hated me Abhiram, you hated me."

She let out another painful whimper and burst into more bitter cries as I felt my own warm tears trickling down my cheeks.

"No love", I swallowed the painful lump in my throat, "Please don't say that, please Avi, I could never hate you, never baby, please don't cry."

This time I reached on to hold her, and despite her constant protests, I was able to grasp her arm and pull her onto my lap

She kept protesting and wriggling and twisting and turning, but I just held onto her and buried her face in the crook of my neck attempting to pacify her.

"No, you don't get to do that Abhi. How furious were you with me, your harsh words are still ringing in my years."

Her voice was muffled as I still held her within my crook and yet again I flinched at her words.

"I know my love and I am so so sorry.", my warm tears trickled onto her hair as I patted her back in a rhythm and pressed my lips onto her temple.

Her hands were caught in between our torsos and she started hitting my chest with her fists as though trying to protest my words. I let her, her warm tears having already drenched my shirt near the shoulder.

"How could you Abhi, why, just why?", she whimpered in pain as I felt a sob escaping me at the hurt she felt.

"I cannot tell you how sorry I am my love, how I regret, how strongly I regret. Please my love, don't cry, don't pain yourself so much."

I pleaded with her, as my arms wrapped tightly around her, her fists clutching my shirt near my chest.

We held onto each other for I do not know much duration.

"Why was it not difficult Abhiram?", her voice was still hoarse, but her cries had subsided.

"Why was it not difficult for you to just cast me asides at her first cry for help?"

"Was it so easy for you to just ignore me, to just leave me alone and vulnerable. Batao tum mujhe.", she glanced into my eyes, her tone and her gaze accusing.

(Batao tum mujhe - tell me?)

"I want to find these answers love, I am not lying Avi, trust me, I want to find these answers, and I will my love, I promise. I am not letting you down ever again.", I whispered earnestly meeting her unwavering gaze, and hoped to assure her with my gestures as much as my words did sound assuring.

She said nothing for a whole long minute, but continued staring into my eyes.

"I hope so Abhiram, I really hope so.", her voice was a whisper, but the hope it held within did not go unnoticed and I had decided to hold onto that hope until I came up with an answer for her.

(Please note : I do not have a deep understanding of counselling or the manner in which its conducted asides of some things which I have read on the internet. I have tried to make this piece of writing as realistic as I can with some findings on the internet. However, this is a piece of fiction with some elements to make the story more engaging, to make the content interesting. Read it as such - like a piece of fiction)

There we go.

Yet another intense part of the counselling.

What do you think of this chapter?

Of Avi's outburst?

And of Abhi's promise?

Do let me know in your comments!

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See you later :)