Voodoo [H.S.]

Twenty

We're in each others faces, screaming, and I take a second to slow my breathing. We're both hot headed and stubborn and this is getting us no where. If she really wants me to leave, I will, but I just want to know how to be there for her. I want to understand.

I straighten up and back away to sit down on the couch. Cassie's red face is slowly returning back to normal and I can see her breathing slowing down. She puts the paper down at her side, still holding it and walks over to sit next to me on the couch.

"I kind of needed that. I'm sorry," she apologies sheepishly, embarrassed over her outburst.

"I'm sorry too. If you really want me to leave, I will. I just want to understand," I look at her with pleading eyes. Please don't shut me out. I know I've done the same to you in the past, but I don't think I can handle it if after I poured my heart out to you if you do the same to me.

"No, please don't leave," she says quickly, reaching across the couch for me. "Will you stay the night? I want to feel safe. Harry, I can't tell you everything but just please understand that this is my mess. I want you to be here for me but I just can't let you in on some things right now."

I blow out a sigh at her response, but I know I can't be hypocritical. There's things that I'm not ready to share with her either, and if I don't want to be pushed on it I shouldn't push her either. It just wouldn't be fair.

Instead, I turn my head towards her to ask, "Does your real name start with a K? Is that what started this?"
*
Her face pales. "I'm going to be sick."

Cassie runs to the bathroom, leaving the paper on the couch next to me, open. I don't even hesitate to run after her, pulling the loose strands of hair out of her face as she empties her stomach into the toilet. I awkwardly rub circles into her back and after a few minutes she reaches up to flush the toilet and then leans back against the cabinets.
*
We sit in silence on the bathroom floor together. I've adjusted myself to sit opposite her against the bathtub with my knees up and my elbows resting on my knees, just trying to give her space.

I think I'm right that her name does start with a K. I'm not going to ask her, not right now at least, but my mind is reeling with all the different possibilities.

Katherine? No, she doesn't look like a Katherine.

Kaitlyn?

Kaylee?

Karen?

Kassandra?

Kassandra sounds right. She still doesn't look like a Kassandra, but if she says Cassie is a nickname then that makes the most sense.

It doesn't matter what her name is. None of this really even matters to me anymore. The rose colored glasses are officially on. I meant every word I said to her when I came here tonight. I want her and I want everything that comes with her. Even if that means there's some crazy stalker out to get her.

Cassie eventually stands up to brush her teeth and splash water on her face. I stay on my spot on the floor, just watching her. Even after she just threw her guts up, she still looks so effortlessly beautiful. Now seeing her without her fake looking contacts (I fucking knew it!) has just added to the stupid heart palpitations I feel around her.

She turns around to face me and the look on her face breaks my heart, I swear I can hear it audibility crack. She just looks defeated. Like the world has beaten her down and she doesn't know where to go from here. I want to go into fix it mode for her, but I know this is something she needs to handle on her own. She doesn't need me swooping in to meddle and try to save the day.