Let Me Go (Ryden)

Chapter VI

It had been a week since Ryan had come home from the hospital. The mild November they'd been experiencing had quickly changed into a bitterly cold December. Ryan was sitting on the section of wall by the bay window, reading. Brendon was out somewhere doing God knows what, he hadn't left the house in a week, and Ryan had insisted that Brendon go out and get some fresh air. At first he refused, but eventually Ryan wore him down, and he left the house for the first time in a week. Ryan's phone buzzed. He put down his book and saw he'd gotten a text.

Going to see Spencer and Jon, should be back in an hour tho <3 -Bden

Ryan smiled a little, glad that Brendon was visiting their friends, and at least trying to enjoy himself. He deserved it, after an entire week of looking after Ryan almost 24/7. Ryan was a pain in the ass, and he knew it. Brendon had been taking care of him for months, and Ryan hadn't been able to do anything to return the favor. He responded to Brendon's text and picked his book back up. He couldn't focus, however, and ended up looking out the window at the frigid landscape. The lake had frozen over already, and there was still about an inch of snow on the ground from a few days before. Ryan sighed and looked down at his book, closing it, then leaned his head back against the wall. He really wanted to get off of the wall section, but he wasn't sure he was strong enough to somehow lift himself into his wheelchair. He could wait for Brendon, but he wouldn't be back for at least 45 minutes, according to his text. But Ryan really didn't want to wait, patience was not one of his virtues. He sighed again, knowing that Brendon would probably kill him, but Ryan had been sitting in the same spot for just a little under two hours and could not sit there any longer. He reached out and pulled his wheelchair closer. Keeping one hand on the far side of it and one hand on the wall section, Ryan swung his legs over the side of the section. His sock-clad feet brushed the floor. This could work. He hoped. Mostly supporting himself with his arms, he put his feet down completely and attempted to stand. It failed terribly, and Ryan fell, smacking his head on the ground when he went down. Fuck. And of course, because he had such amazing luck, the wheelchair flipped over and fell on top of him, pinning his right arm in an awkward angle underneath him. Ryan lay there, listening to the vibrations running through his head. He hurt all over, his arm and head especially, it was if someone was slicing him in half, except somehow worse. Ryan closed his eyes, trying to make the pain in his head go away. The pain and vibrations continued though, so he opened them again. Through the intense, burning pain, Ryan managed to reach up with his free hand and grab his phone, almost dropping it, but then forcing his fingers to wrap tightly around it. He lowered his hand, still gripping his phone. He knew Brendon would be upset to come home and find him like this, but he would not call him. Ryan wanted Brendon to enjoy himself for once, and if that meant not calling him as he lay on the floor in pain, he'd do it. 10 minutes passed. He wouldn't call Brendon. 15 minutes. He looked at his phone. No, he wouldn't call him. 25 minutes. He still refused. 30 minutes. Nope, he wouldn't do it. 45 minutes. Brendon would be home soon anyway, there was no use calling him now. 55 minutes. Ryan heard the door open, and he called out to Brendon.

~~~

"Fucking hell, Ryan!" Brendon shouted. Ryan was now on the couch, Brendon pacing the floor in front of him. "Why wouldn't you call me! I don't understand," "You know why," Ryan said calmly.

"This is exactly why I didn't want to go out in the first place, because something could happen to you and you're so fucking stubborn that you wouldn't call me." Brendon fumed.

"Babe, calm down, it wasn't that bad-"

"Ryan, that's not the point!" Brendon interrupted him, exasperated. "What if something really bad had happened, what if you were dying, Ry? Would you have called me then?!" Ryan hesitated. "See, this is what I mean." Brendon said, proving his point. Ryan looked down.

"I'm sorry Brendon, but I just can't, I hate this, I can hardly do anything for myself anymore, and there's so much strain on you, which I hate, because all I really want is for you to actually be happy for once, and you insist on staying with me all the time, when I know you'd rather not, and..." Ryan trailed off. Brendon turned to him.

"And what?" He asked.

"You just don't deserve this. It's probably harder for you than it is for me." Ryan said quietly. Brendon sighed and sat down next to Ryan.

"Now that, is something that I highly doubt."

"Why?" Ryan asked. In his mind, it was true. While he definitely felt like shit most of the time, He could tell that Brendon was struggling with dealing with knowing he was watching Ryan slowly begin to die.

"Do you honestly think I can't see how much pain you're in? And how you seem to think that you can't be upset in front of me? Because I can, and I'm not that emotionally fragile, you know that. Yeah sure I cried when you were in the hospital, but that's what most people do when they find out that someone they love has cancer." Brendon said.

"I guess," Ryan sighed. Brendon leaned over and kissed his cheek.

"It's hard for both of us, Ry, and that's just how it is. But really, going back to my point, I can't have fun while worrying about leaving you here, so please, if you want me to enjoy myself, then at least give me some peace of mind and promise to call if anything happens." Ryan had to agree to that, it was probably the only way to get Brendon out of the house.

"Okay, I promise." he said, leaning against Brendon. He pulled Ryan into his lap.

"You look tired, babe," Ryan commented.

"I could say the same for you."

"Because I am," Ryan snuggled into his boyfriend's chest.

"I know," Brendon laughed, wrapping his arms around Ryan. "You can go to sleep, if you want, I don't mind."

"Well I'm trying, but you're talking. Shut up." Ryan mumbled. Brendon didn't say anything. Ryan felt him pick him up and walk towards their bedroom. He bit his lip. Pain meds really didn't do much anymore besides just make him sleepier. Brendon set him down on the bed, then started to walk away. He felt the warmth start to leave him.

"Brendon," Ryan whined. "Come back," he felt Brendon lie down next to him, and Ryan was finally able to fall asleep, where he at least didn't hurt as much.